IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 2.5

Working is taking a more important role in people's lives. Why are people working so much? Do you think this trend is good or bad?

#role #people #lives #trend
In modern times,
jobs
 and
careers
Change the noun form
career
show examples
 advancement
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 essential
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 individuals to survive. Reasons
such
 as
search
Add an article
the search
a search
show examples
 for money,
career
Correct word choice
and career
show examples
 advancement,are why
people
over
Change preposition
apply
show examples
indulgence in
office
jobs
.
This
 is more of a negative trend than
Correct article usage
a positive
show examples
positive
Correct pronoun usage
onepositive
show examples
. I shall explain
further
.
To begin
,the importance of secular
jobs
 can not be overemphasized. It is essential for every individual to be gainfully employed.
People
 engage in
office
jobs
 in a quest for wealth
aqcuision
Correct your spelling
acquisition
 in order to be
finacially
Correct your spelling
financially
financial
independence
Replace the word
independent
show examples
 and for career advancement
thus
, improvement in
self esteem
Add a hyphen
self-esteem
show examples
 and
self worth
Add a hyphen
self-worth
show examples
 in the long run.
In addition
, work keeps
people
 away from crime and evil thoughts.
However
,there should be a balance between
office
 hours and family/leisure time. The benefits of spending quality time with beloved ones should not be compromised because of the quest for
materials
Change the noun form
material
show examples
 items. With the advent of artificial technology,
office
 hours should be limited,
this
 is in order to promote healthy home life and recreational activities. Workers should embark on regular holidays and annual leave so as to engage in home life and unwind. In conclusion, while it is vital for
people
 to engage
in
Change the preposition
at
show examples
 8am to 5pm
jobs
, family leisure time should not be
brigded
Correct your spelling
bridged
. There is
need
Correct article usage
a need
show examples
 to strike a balance

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: