IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Nowdays many people choose to be self employed rather than to work for a company or organisation why might this be this case ? What could be the disadvantages of being self employed.

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In recent times, an increasing number of people are choosing to
work
Use synonyms
 for themselves rather than being employees of organisations. I believe
this
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 preference may be because of its flexible working hour structure and potential to earn more .
However
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,
this
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 working structure has its own set of drawbacks as well. The most prominent reason why more and more individuals
are preferring
Wrong verb form
prefer
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 to start their own company is that it provides an opportunity to maximize their earnings.
This
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 means that when a person thrives to get remarkable sales for his firm, those profits belong to him,
whereas
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 in the case of employment, he might be entitled to a certain amount of salary only.
Moreover
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, in an organisation where he is his own boss, he can choose to plan his
work
Use synonyms
schedules
Fix the agreement mistake
schedule
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 as per his comfort.
However
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,
this
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 freedom of time is not possible in case a person works under a manager or a senior. A freelancer,
for instance
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, who is
also
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 a new parent, may prefer to
work
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 during the nap time of his child.
On the other hand
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,
such
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 cooperation may not be given by an employer.
Thus
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, having more disposable income and a better
work
Use synonyms
-life balance are the prominent factors in choosing self-employment over a salaried job. Despite offering some appealing benefits, running an organisation all by oneself could be stressful and burdensome. Since one person is in charge of all the departments of
work
Use synonyms
, ranging from planning sales, operations and administration, marketing the product and providing after-sales services, he could feel over-burdened with so many responsibilities. Eventually, many people might want to quit.
Moreover
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, an entrepreneur may have to deal with the initial years of financial instability which may impact his standards of living as well. An employee,
for instance
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, gets a fixed salary credited to his bank account every month which aids in providing for his needs and gives him a sense of financial security,
whereas
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such
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 is not the case of self-employment.
Hence
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, entrepreneurship is a hard journey to take. In conclusion, self-employed individuals do get to explore their full potential in terms of making profits and
also
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 enjoy autonomy of time,
nevertheless
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, they have to deal with hardships
such
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 as unstable finances, and immense mental pressures, to name a few.

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task response
Overall, your essay is well-organized and addresses both parts of the prompt. However, consider strengthening your main points with additional evidence or examples. For example, you can provide statistical data or specific case studies to support your claims.
coherence cohesion
Some sentences could be refined to be more concise. This will enhance readability and maintain the reader's interest. For example, "This means that when a person thrives to get remarkable sales for his firm, those profits belong to him" could be simplified to "This means that when a person achieves remarkable sales, those profits belong to him."
overall structure
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps frame your arguments well.
coherence
You successfully use transition words like 'moreover,' 'however,' and 'thus' to maintain the flow between sentences and paragraphs.
task response
The essay is relevant and directly addresses the task by discussing both the reasons for the rise in self-employment and its disadvantages.
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