IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Innospire of the advances marine agriculture may people around the world still go hungry . why is this the case? what can be done about this problem?

In
this
Linking Words
 modern world, it can be obviously seen that due to
technology
Replace the word
technological
show examples
 advancement many dramatic changes have been undergone to the
countries
Use synonyms
' agricultural
industry
Fix the agreement mistake
industries
show examples
.Some civilians are still deprived
from
Change the preposition
of
show examples
 any food and
water
Use synonyms
,whereas all these betterments have occurred. I am going to elucidate why it might be the case and provide
this
Linking Words
 issue with some practical solutions. On the one hand, in some
Use synonyms
countries
Add a comma
,countries
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 will starve to death and
thus
Linking Words
it
Correct your spelling
is
show examples
considered
Add a missing verb
is considered
show examples
 to be an urgent matter .
To begin
Linking Words
 with ,overusing(wasting)the natural sources in some affluent
contries
Correct your spelling
countries
 would be one case . To be more precise, some
people
Use synonyms
 tend to be extravagant, consuming everything more than their demand.
Water
Use synonyms
 shortage,
for instance
Linking Words
,
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
is necessarily used in agriculture .
Therefore
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 is
topic
Correct article usage
a topic
show examples
 of concern why some
people
Use synonyms
Correct your spelling
do
show examples
don
Correct your spelling
do
show examples
 not pay attention to their
water
Use synonyms
 use,
although
Linking Words
 some folks in poorer
countries
Use synonyms
 suffer from contaminated and limited
water
Use synonyms
 for their crops.
Secondly
Linking Words
 ,
countries
Use synonyms
live
Correct pronoun usage
that live
show examples
 in poverty are faced with
shortage
Add an article
a shortage
show examples
 of useable land .Precisely ,their land under cultivation
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 less than the crops are waiting to be cultivated. Hopefully ,it is not too late that the issue
about
Change preposition
of
show examples
 food deprivation has noticeably(could have) taken its toll.
Firstly
Linking Words
 ,the subject
about
Change preposition
of
show examples
 lack of food should be published by many celebrities simultaneously. To be more exact, they have to hold the campaign based on
this
Linking Words
 topic: not letting
people
Use synonyms
 die from starvation .
Moreover
Linking Words
, making
hashtag
Fix the agreement mistake
hashtags
show examples
 throughout
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
social media is indispensable
putting
Change preposition
in putting
show examples
this
Linking Words
 solution in motion .
Secondly
Linking Words
 ,the imaginative proposal for limited land under cultivation would considerably solve
this
Linking Words
 problem .To elaborate, it is called
as
Change preposition
apply
show examples
" vertical farming" which means the practice of growing
crop
Fix the agreement mistake
crops
show examples
 in
Add an article
the vertical
a vertical
show examples
vertical
Change the adjective
vertically
show examples
 stacked
layer
Fix the agreement mistake
layers
show examples
.
Hence
Linking Words
 ,it allows you to have more space for cultivation All in all, agriculture has faced
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a lot of advancements these days. yet, there are those who can not benefit from
and
Correct pronoun usage
it and
show examples
therefore
Linking Words
 go hungry. I personally believe
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
this
Linking Words
 matter can be tackled,with these given solutions in short-term feature unless not starting off soon enough

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: