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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Obesity is a serious problem in many countries, especially in rich countries. What causes obesity and how can it be solved

#obesity #countries
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Nowadays,
obesity
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 has become a serious and extensively existed problem in numerous countries, especially in some developed nations,
such
Linking Words
 as America or
United
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the United
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of
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apply
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Kingdom. In
this
Linking Words
 essay, the causes of
obesity
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 and
approuches
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approaches
 used to handle
with
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apply
show examples
this
Linking Words
 problem would be discussed. In most
of
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apply
show examples
rich
Add an article
the rich
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 countries,
excess
Correct article usage
an excess
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 supply of attractive food might be one of the
reason
Change to a plural noun
reasons
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of
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for
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obesity
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. During the modern period, det to sufficient resources of raw materials of diel in these economies,
large
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a large
the large
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 amount of their citizens can consume delicious food, which might contain
energy
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that is
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 more than what their
body
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bodies
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 required.
In addition
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,
information
Correct article usage
the information
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 gap might be another reason, the producers and sellers may not willing to tell the ordinary how much
energy
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 they should consume, and even though some experts publish it, there still are tons of people ignoring the hazard of consuming superfluous desserts or meat but enjoying them.
Nevertheless
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,
obese
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an obese
the obese
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 problem caused by the reasons mentioned above could be handled by several measures.
For instance
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, government or other responsible organisations can popularise the acceptable intake of
energy
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 and harm of
obesity
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,
such
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 as
higher
Correct article usage
a higher
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 probability of getting heart diseases, trying to encourage people to avoid
obesity
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 voluntarily.
Furthermore
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, propaganda
of
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about
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 fitness
also
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 could be one of the measures, because moderate fitness can help
human
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humans
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to
Fix the infinitive
apply
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consume excess
energy
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 and avoid fat accumulation, preventing
increasing
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the increasing
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 weight of people. In conclusion, the main causes of
obesity
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 might be the excess
energy
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 provided by
modern
Correct article usage
the modern
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 diet and asymmetric
informations
Change the wording
information
pieces of information
show examples
. To address
obese
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the obese
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 issue, appropriate measures could be the popularisation of
obese
Replace the word
obesity
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 damage, recommendation of
energy
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 intake, and the promotion of fitness, they could effectively slow down the spread of
obesity
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in
Change preposition
to
show examples
 a certain
extend
Replace the word
extent
show examples
.
Submitted by aiwen117 on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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