IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Old people get bored after retirement. Explain the causes and solutions.

#people #retirement
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The elderly usually feel bored after they are retired. The main reason for
this
Linking Words
 is that after leaving work they have much more free
time
Use synonyms
 and do not know how to spend it. A viable solution is to
organise
Use synonyms
 special meetings for the old
people
Use synonyms
, where they can share their interests and do something
that is
Linking Words
 in common for all of them. After working hard all their lives,
people
Use synonyms
 in their 60s retire and usually cannot understand what to do in the morning, where to go in the afternoon and how to spend the evening. Obviously,
this
Linking Words
 great difference between completely different lives is the main cause of the problem. After busy working days
during
Change preposition
for
show examples
 several
decades
Add a comma
,decades
show examples
 you are free for the rest of your life.
For instance
Linking Words
, in 2020 Cambridge University conducted a research on why old
people
Use synonyms
 get bored. The result was surprising and simple at the same
time
Use synonyms
. They just do not know how to
organise
Use synonyms
 their
time
Use synonyms
. A possible solution to
this
Linking Words
 difficult situation can be arranging meetings and clubs for
people
Use synonyms
 over 60.
The retirement
Correct article usage
Retirement
show examples
 is the best
time
Use synonyms
 to start communicating more with other
people
Use synonyms
, to develop skills that you could not develop earlier because of lack of
time
Use synonyms
.
Such
Linking Words
 clubs can create new
friendship
Fix the agreement mistake
friendships
show examples
, improve
Add an article
the relationship
show examples
relationship
Fix the agreement mistake
relationships
show examples
 between
people
Use synonyms
 and make them feel necessary for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society.
For example
Linking Words
, there is a local orchestra in my town. It consists of
people
Use synonyms
 who have already retired. They are
amators
Correct your spelling
amateurs
, but they successfully give concerts twice or more times per year. They can even raise money for charity
selling
Change preposition
by selling
show examples
 tickets to their concerts. I believe
this
Linking Words
 is a truly wonderful way to spend your
time
Use synonyms
 after retirement. In conclusion, some
people
Use synonyms
 who are 60 or more find their life boring after leaving work. The reason is that these
people
Use synonyms
 are used to living
busy
Add an article
a busy
show examples
 life and cannot
organise
Use synonyms
 properly their
time
Use synonyms
 for there is too much of it
comparing
Change the form of the verb
compared
show examples
 to their previous lives. And the great solution would be to
organise
Use synonyms
 clubs for elderly
people
Use synonyms
 where they could do things that they like together, talk to each other and feel happy.
Submitted by sonyashpyniova on

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