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Band 6.5

Students leave high school without learning the way how to manage their money. What are the reasons and solutions for this issue?

#students #school #money
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There is a belief that
students
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 probably do not have a knack for controlling their
money
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 after finishing high school. It stems from the deficiency of financial
skills
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 of their
parents
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as well as
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 the high
schools
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' neglect to offer comprehensive financial education as part of their curriculum.
However
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, it can be mitigated by the application of a holistic learning approach in the school. One of the focal reasons is the shortage of
money
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skills
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 among
parents
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. To be more specific, the
parents
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 have a tendency to control their offspring's
money
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 and give them no right to do it by themselves.
Additionally
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,
parents
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 often serve as primary role models and educators for children as these individuals lack of necessary financial
skills
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,
it
Correct word choice
and it
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 is hard for them to impart relevant
lessons
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 effectively.
For example
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, some
parents
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 underestimate the value of
money
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 management as their ignorance to educate their offspring, leading to their financial struggles in adulthood, marked by debt, spending and lack of savings. Another considerable cause is that the educational system forgets to give financial
lessons
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 to their
students
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.
This
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 is because the emphasis on academic
lessons
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 is considered an extremely imperative assignment so the absence of soft
skills
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lessons
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 is prevalent in almost all
schools
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.
Besides
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, they believe that these
skills
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 may be built up after the
students
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 have their own jobs
as well as
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 life experience.
As a result
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,
students
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 may have no
skills
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 relating to solving financial problems during their lifetime.
However
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, the holistic learning approach can alleviate
this
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 serious problem.
In other words
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,
schools
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 should strike a balance between academic
lessons
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 and extracurricular activities facilitating the well-rounded development of
students
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' mindsets.
Also
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, some classes about financial
skills
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 must be added, which are practical for the
students
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 to support them in
money
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 management. Take Europe as a prime example, where offers some start-up classes to teach the
students
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 how to control their
money
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 and balance their expenses. In conclusion, the proliferation of financial problems emanates from the lack of parental
skills
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 in terms of finance
as well as
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 the neglect of
schools
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 to impart financial
lessons
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 during the academic year.
Conversely
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, it is believed to be addressed by the holistic learning approach helping the
students
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 with various
skills
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.
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task achievement
To improve the task response, consider adding more concrete examples and data to strengthen your arguments. This will make your essay more convincing and compelling.
coherence cohesion
For better coherence, utilize more varied transition words and phrases. This will help your essay flow more smoothly and make it easier for readers to follow your ideas.
coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next by summarizing the previous point and introducing the next point. This will enhance the logical structure of your essay.
task achievement
The essay presents a comprehensive response to the task with clear and relevant ideas. This shows a good understanding of the topic and task requirements.
coherence cohesion
There is a clear introduction and conclusion, which frame the essay well and provide a strong foundation for the main points discussed.
coherence cohesion
Main points are supported with some relevant examples, and the essay is generally well-organized.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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