IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 3.5

Wealthy countries should acceptor refugees and provide them with basic assistance, such as food and housing. To what do you agree or disagree?

#countries #acceptor #refugees #assistance #food
Insecurity and terrorism is increasing at an alarming rate in some
countries
 recently leading to a sharp rise in the number of
refugees
 in these
countries
. Developed
countries
 should welcome
such
 individuals and cater for their domestic needs for
humanity
Change noun form
humanity's
show examples
 sake and because they will be of great value to the
country
.
To begin
 with , every human has the right to life.
Refugees
 are human beings and should be given the privilege to live when they are displaced from their natural environment.
For example
 In northern Nigeria where
terrorist
Fix the agreement mistake
terrorists
show examples
 have attacked some towns and the residents sought refuge in neighbouring
countries
. They should be welcomed and taken care of for
humanity
Change noun form
humanity's
show examples
 sake because they have
right
Correct article usage
the right
show examples
 to life. Every human has a right to live and for
these
Change the determiner
this reason
these reasons
show examples
reason
Add a comma
,reason
show examples
 they should be accepted by
countries
 capable of supplying their needs. Moreso, when fully acclimatized
refugees
 can be of immense
benefits
Fix the agreement mistake
benefit
show examples
 to rich
countries
. Taking china
for example
it's
Correct your spelling
its
show examples
 acceptance of Ukrainian
refugees
 due to the ongoing Russian invasion has led to an increase in the Chinese workforce .
Furthermore
, the technological advancement in the
refugees
Change noun form
refugee's
refugees'
show examples
 home
country
 can be brought to the new
country
 leading to technological
collaborate
Replace the word
collaboration
show examples
 and advancement. In conclusion, I agree with the opinion that rich
countries
 should accept
refugees
 for
humanity
Change noun form
humanity's
show examples
 sake and because they can be of immense
benefits
Fix the agreement mistake
benefit
show examples
 to the new
country
.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: