IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

With the improvements in today’s health care, society has to care for more and more elderly people. Do you feel that society will be able to cope with the increase in numbers of elderly people today and how can it be managed? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. You should write at least 254 words.

#improvements #today’s #health #care #society #people #numbers
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In
this
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 technical era, everyone
busy
Add a missing verb
is busy
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in
Change preposition
with
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 their hectic schedule. They have no time for their family even
some
Correct word choice
if some
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 people live out of the state or nation. They have no time for the elderly masses. I will discuss my viewpoints in the upcoming paragraphs and I will
also
Linking Words
 discuss how can
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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be managed. To commence with, The increasing ratio of older people can be more burden on society. Because the
government
Use synonyms
 has to spend more
money
Use synonyms
 to take care of them they have to generate more funds for the medicine and the daily needs of the oldest people.
For example
Linking Words
, The
government
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 gives them
money
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 as a pension. Due to
this
Linking Words
, the youngster feels pressure because they have to pay more
money
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 as a face of tax
Linking Words
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
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 is why they do not cope with them. Moving
further
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, The masses have to save
money
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 for old
age
Use synonyms
. Because, when they are in old
age
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than
Correct your spelling
then
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 they can utilize that
money
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 for the
fulfill
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fulfil
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 their basic needs and for the health treatment.
Hence
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, In
future
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,future
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 they do not depend on others they their life in on way and live an independent life.
For instance
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, The
government
Use synonyms
 cut some salaries of the
government
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 employers and when they retire from their job
then
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 the
government
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 give them that
money
Use synonyms
 as a
funds
Correct the article-noun agreement
fund
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. With the help of
this
Linking Words
Use synonyms
money
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,money
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 they live their entire life as a
self dependent
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self-dependent
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. To conclude, The
government
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 has to make a strict policy to manage
this
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. they have to get
money
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 from everyone as
a
Change the article
an
show examples
 old
age
Use synonyms
 tax and due to
this
Linking Words
Use synonyms
money
Add a comma
,money
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 they can easily manage them without any problem or burden. because in old
age
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 they utilize our
money
Use synonyms
not
Add the comma(s)
,not
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 others. which they pay as
a
Change the article
an
show examples
 old
age
Use synonyms
 tax.
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