IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Currently there is a trend towards the use of alternative forms of medicine. However, at best these method are ineffective, and at worst that may be dangerous. To what extent did you agree with this statement.

#trend #alternative #forms #medicine #method
Recently, there is a trend
towards
Change preposition
toward
show examples
 the use of
alternative
forms
 of
medicine
than
Change preposition
to
show examples
 traditional
medicine
 while some people believe these methods are ineffective and at worst that may be
harm
Replace the word
harmful
show examples
 to
patients
. In my opinion, if in a no-urgent situation,
alternative
forms
 of medication do no harm to
patients
, but provide them with more options to choose
.
Change preposition
from.
show examples
To begin
 with, there are some obvious reasons why some people
alternative
forms
 of
medicine
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 unnecessary. Tradition medicines are more directly help the
patient
 and we can see the outcome in
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 short period.
For instance
, for asthma
Fix the agreement mistake
patients
show examples
patient
Add a comma
,patient
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
traditional
medicine
 can save their life
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
right
Add an article
the right
show examples
 time.
Alternative
 form
medicine
 seems to be not proved a
quickly
Replace the word
quick
show examples
 and immediate effect
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
 illness people.
Moreover
,
On the other hand
, supporters disagree
this
Change preposition
with this
show examples
 argument
consider
Correct word choice
and consider
show examples
 that
alternative
forms
 of
medicine
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
lower
Add an article
a lower
show examples
 side effect which is
Add an article
a benefit
the benefit
show examples
benefit
Replace the word
beneficial
show examples
 to
patients
 and avoid to suffer the
painful
Replace the word
pain
show examples
.
For example
,
alternative
Correct article usage
an alternative
show examples
 form of
medicine
 is better than traditional
medicine
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 a terminal illness
patient
, as it
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 lower side effect and can help reduce their unwell.
Moreover
, some diseases are not fatal, but there is no cure. Compare with traditional
medicine
 ,
alternative
 medicines or treatments are more suitable
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
Add an article
the patient
a patient
show examples
patient
Fix the agreement mistake
patients
show examples
 as
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 have less harm.
In
Change preposition
To
show examples
 sum
up
Change preposition
apply
show examples
,
alternative
forms
 of
medicine
 help terminal illness
patient
Fix the agreement mistake
patients
show examples
 feel better in their
last
 period. In conclusion,
alternative
 modalities can provide more options for
patients
, who can choose the best way based on their individual circumstances. I hope in future,
patients
 can have more
option
Fix the agreement mistake
options
show examples
 to choose
.
Change preposition
from.
show examples
Submitted by krt on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: