IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people believe that sport has an important role in society. Others, however, feel that it is nothing more than a leisure activity for some people. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own experience or knowledge.

Several
people
Use synonyms
 agree with the
sport
Use synonyms
’s significant influence on the public.
While
Linking Words
 others disagree, as they think
sport
Use synonyms
 is not
essential
Correct article usage
an essential
show examples
 activity in our
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
. My favour stands for the first statement, I acknowledge the positive impact of practising the
sport
Use synonyms
 on individuals and society. There are many valid reasons for the
sport
Use synonyms
’s importance to society.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, Olympic champions who represent their countries internationally in
The
Fix capitalization
the
show examples
 Olympic Games every year. The whole world
buzz
Correct subject-verb agreement
buzzes
show examples
 with the
name
Fix the agreement mistake
names
show examples
 of the winners and their represented countries.
For example
Linking Words
, the name of
Egyptian
Correct article usage
the Egyptian
show examples
-
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
body-building
Use the right word
bodybuilding
show examples
 champion “
big
Fix capitalization
Big
show examples
 Rami” was echoing everywhere since he won the gold medal.
As a result
Linking Words
, the Internet algorithms detected a high percentage of
people
Use synonyms
 searching for the word Egypt “
Rami’s
Punctuation problem
, Rami’s
show examples
 country
”
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
.
Subsequently
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,
Now
Fix capitalization
now
show examples
, Egypt is famously known for owning great players, and
also
Linking Words
 getting huge income out of
this
Linking Words
.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the sound mind is in the sound body. As practising
sports
Use synonyms
 regularly
affect
Correct subject-verb agreement
affects
show examples
 the human body positively,
therefore
Linking Words
, the ability of citizens to concentrate will increase.
Thus
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, they will be more productive,
hence
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;
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 the community will develop eventually. As a piece of evidence, many researchers confirm that the employees who are athletes or
working
Wrong verb form
work
show examples
 out consistently can achieve many tasks in a short space of time. So,
Sports
Use synonyms
 should be considered a vital activity. I would say, as I believe that the
sport
Use synonyms
 is not the thing we do if we have the luxury of free time. Let me justify my point of view
,
Punctuation problem
.
show examples
 First of all, playing any kind of
sports
Use synonyms
 will guarantee you
minimum
Correct article usage
a minimum
show examples
physical
Change preposition
of physical
show examples
 movement to be healthy.
In addition
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, team
sports
Use synonyms
 can make a punctual and poised person out of you.
Accordingly
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,
this
Linking Words
 will reflect
on
Correct word order
positively on
show examples
 your life socially and professionally
positively
Correct word order
apply
show examples
.
Finally
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, if you are a student, doing exercises daily will help you to study effectively. In conclusion, some
people
Use synonyms
 debate the vitality of
sport
Use synonyms
 in our daily
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, some
people
Use synonyms
 think we can only exercise if we have the availability of time and money. I could say
sport
Use synonyms
 is one of the fundamentals of having a better population and developed societies.

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language
Fix the grammar and make the sentences clear.
structure
Put ideas in a clear order and use paragraphs.
content
Check facts and give accurate ideas about sport and events.
coherence
Use easy linking words like and, but, also, because.
examples
Add more real, simple examples from life or study.
content
The writer takes a clear view and talks about both sides.
content
Examples are used to back points.
content
Links to people and life show how sport can affect society.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • national unity
  • physical health
  • mental health
  • social change
  • gender equality
  • social integration
  • disadvantaged communities
  • cultural barriers
  • escapism
  • commercialization
  • viewership
  • merchandise sales
  • inclusivity
  • accessibility
  • nationalistic fervor
  • racism
  • marginalization
What to do next:
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