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Band 6.5

Some people think that secondary schools should spend less time teaching traditional subjects like history and spend more time on teaching subjects like communication skills and business. Do you agree or disagree with this view?

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Introduction
There are numerous benefits of studying interpersonal
skills
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. While many people believe that secondary
schools
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 should focus on
subjects
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 like history, I personally disagree with
this
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 and feel that interpersonal
skills
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 are more important.
Body paragraph 1
Firstly
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, communication and
business
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skills
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 improve a student's
personality
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.
Although
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 many might feel that teaching history and economics are important for children as these
subjects
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 provide knowledge of a country's background, I personally agree with those who think that communication and
business
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skills
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 are more important in shaping a child's
personality
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.
For instance
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, if students learn more about public speaking and team management during their secondary education, it will improve their chances of becoming
a
Correct article usage
apply
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better people amongst society and colleagues.
Moreover
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, they can learn new techniques to manage a group of individuals and speak with courage in public while staying in a society full of individuals.
Body paragraph 2
However
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, the most important reason why I feel
schools
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 should focus on
subjects
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 related to
personality
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 building and
business
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 is that these
subjects
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 improve a student's chances to be an entrepreneur and helps him or her with a great job offer after graduation. Studying
subjects
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 related to
business
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skills
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 improve the person's
business
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-driven attitude and helps one advance in his or her own career.
As a result
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, learning
such
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skills
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 at a young age provides them with better career opportunities. Only when
schools
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 start implementing
such
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subjects
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 in the curriculum will students learn more about the job and
business
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 sector.
Conclusion
In conclusion, not only do
subjects
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 based on
business
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 and communication lead to
personality
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 improvement, but
also
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 help them advance in the job and
business
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 sector.
Therefore
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, on balance, I agree with the fact that
such
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subjects
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 should always be taught in secondary
schools
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.

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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