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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Many people today think that homework is still an important part of school while others think that it is becoming outdated. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Traditionally,
all most
Use the right word
almost
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 all
schools
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 across the globe provide assignments to their students. In the modern world, some parents and psychologists claim that homework is not required anymore.
Although
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 some people oppose
this
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 viewpoint, personally, I support the additional academic activity at home to keep children occupied with education rather than other activities. In the following paragraphs, I explore both views. On the one hand, some citizens believe leisure
time
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 is precious for children to develop extracurricular
activites
Correct your spelling
activities
.
Due to
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 mini-projects
kids
Punctuation problem
, kids
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 are occupied doing the same at home as in a classroom
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due
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, due
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 to which they do not have enough
time
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 to develop
new
Correct article usage
a new
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 hobby or learn a sport. To illustrate, as per the survey conducted by the Child Development Department, Canada indicates that teenagers actively
participate
Wrong verb form
participating
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 in sports drastically increased
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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 when they banned homework in certain
schools
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.
In addition
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, these days
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due
Punctuation problem
, due
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 to extended school work
they
Punctuation problem
, they
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 do not have enough
time
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 to spend with their parents.
For instance
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,
number
Correct article usage
the number
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 of complaints
gradually
Verb problem
is gradually
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 increasing concerning
parents
Check wording
parents'
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 demand
Use synonyms
schools
Correct word choice
that schools
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to
Verb problem
apply
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reduce assignments.
On the other hand
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, teachers assign these tasks to improve concentration on studies. To explain
further
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,
such
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 topics keep them busy at home so that they do not
loose
Use the right word
lose
show examples
 focus on their subject,
as a result
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, teenagers do not
Verb problem
become addict
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addict
Replace the word
addicted
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 to gadgets and video games.
For example
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, these days every child is addicted to smartphones
which
Punctuation problem
, which
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 could allow them access adult content that leads to
a
Correct article usage
apply
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greater consequences.
Besides
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 concentration, some projects not only help them in academics but
also
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 help them to learn
out of the box
Use the right word
out-of-the-box
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 topics on current trends. Some faculty intentionally assign some work to their students which requires interaction with neighbours and communities
due
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to
Change preposition
through
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 which they
paractically
Correct your spelling
practically
 learn social and moral skills.
Finally
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, to recapitulate, these days some people claim that homework should not be a mandatory in
schools
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 as the teenagers do not find enough
time
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 to learn additional extracurricular skills;
however
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, my in my opinion, I deny their viewpoint
due to
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 the aforementioned reasons
such
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 as to keep focus on syllabus and enable access to learn out of the box topics.

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task response
Your introduction could be clearer and more structured. Make sure to state the topic clearly and express both sides distinctly.
coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph has a clear main idea and that your points are well-organized to improve the flow of your essay.
task response
Try to provide more specific examples to better support your main points, and explain how they relate to your argument.
coherence cohesion
Make sure to check your grammar and spelling for better clarity and professionalism in your writing.
task response
You present both sides of the argument, which shows an understanding of the topic.
coherence cohesion
Your conclusion summarizes your opinion, which is important in an essay.
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