IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Large companies use sports events to promote their products. Some people think this has a negative impact on sports. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Sports
events
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 play an integral role in everyone's life and promoting a product on the
fields
Fix the agreement mistake
field
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 brings with it benefits for all.
However
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, there are many
people
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 who perceive that it's wrong to advertise
products
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 during
such
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events
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. I, completely disagree with the statement because it not only helps in making
people
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brand
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 cautious but
also
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 helps firms to increase their sales. To
embark
Verb problem
begin
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 with, it is always beneficial to promote different commodities during a match as it makes
people
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 aware of the
brand
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.
In other words
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, there are many
people
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 who come across certain
products
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 only when they attend
such
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events
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. Fans usually like to try all
such
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 things which are being promoted by their role models.
For example
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, a report shows how a
brand
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 name
become
Wrong verb form
became
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 popular after a
sports person
Correct your spelling
sportsperson
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 advertised
about
Change preposition
apply
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it on his t-shirt.
Therefore
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, it helps in making the
brand
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 value of the commodity.
On the other hand
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,
such
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 promotions
also
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 help in increasing the sales of the product. To be more specific, when a commodity is being used by a
sports person
Correct your spelling
sportsperson
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, it becomes a trend and everyone wants to buy it which in turn helps in
the
Correct article usage
apply
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selling at a large scale.
For instance
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, after Sachin Tendulkar scored 100 in an ODI match, the sales for the MRF bats increased manifolds.
This
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 not only helps
the
Correct article usage
apply
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large companies to sell a vast amount of
products
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 but
also
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 helps in the generation of profits. In conclusion, it is inevitable to say that promotion only
brings
Verb problem
has
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 a positive impact on
the
Correct article usage
apply
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people
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. I, strongly recommend, that firms should keep on promoting
products
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 during these
events
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 as it helps in making
people
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 aware of the
brand
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 and
also
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 helps companies to earn profit.

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Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure a more distinct separation between paragraphs by clearly stating the main idea of each paragraph. This will help improve the logical flow of your essay.
Task Achievement
In the introduction, provide a clearer thesis statement that directly addresses to what extent you agree or disagree with the statement. This helps to set a clear direction for your essay.
Task Achievement
Work on enhancing your arguments with stronger supporting points and additional details. This will make your essay more persuasive and comprehensive.
Introduction and Conclusion
Your introduction and conclusion are clear and related to the topic, providing a good structure for your essay.
Task Achievement
The use of specific examples, such as the impact of Sachin Tendulkar's 100 in an ODI match on MRF bat sales, strengthens your argument and makes your points more convincing.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your essay is well-organized with distinct paragraphs, each addressing a different aspect of the topic. This contributes to the coherence and readability of your essay.
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