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Band 2

Scientific researches should be the responsibility of governments rather than commercial organizations. Do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#responsibility #governments #organizations
Over the
last
 decade, the number of innovations
are
Change the verb form
is
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 gradually increasing in public projects and private entities. That rise
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 question of who should take
an
Remove the article
apply
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accountability
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 scientific
researches
Fix the agreement mistake
research
show examples
. I believe governments should
supervision
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supervise
show examples
 science
experimentations
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experiments
show examples
 for their nation and
people
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people's
show examples
 security and confidentiality reasons.
To begin
 with, securing
personal
Correct article usage
the personal
show examples
 identity information of citizens is one of
prime
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the prime
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 duties of
authorites
Correct your spelling
authorities
. Some
commerical
Correct your spelling
commercial
 companies for their investigations demand a lot of
data
 regards human beings which
includes
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include
show examples
 health, wealth and employment, providing personal
data
 might leads to
data
leak
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leaks
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 and impersonation.
For example
, In 2021, a hacker from China
stolen
Wrong verb form
stole
show examples
 a Nepal bank
manager
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manager's
show examples
 details and cloned as a manager and robbed the bank.
Besides
data
leak
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leaks
show examples
, revealing public health
data
 leads to illegal organ trade
usally
Correct your spelling
usually
 for transplantation. There is a global demand for body parts, which exceeds
availalbe
Correct your spelling
available
 parts. Imaginably, If criminals gain access to health
data
 they misuse
to
Correct pronoun usage
it to
show examples
 kill people and sell their organs.
Submitted by rana on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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