IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Overpopulation of urban area has led to numerous problems. Identift one ot two serious ones and suggest ways that governments and individuals can tackle these problems.

#overpopulation #area #identift #ot #two #ones #governments #individuals
Overpopulation is one of the largest issues of big cities in all countries,
this
 increase in residents has caused various issues one of them being a rise in crime rates. In the following
essay
Add a comma
,essay
show examples
 the reasons will be discussed, along with proposed appropriate solutions. In any country in the world after a city has had a sudden surge of people moving there, shortly after a hike in criminal activities is often observed. These activities range from petty crimes
such
 as minor theft all the way to major organized crime syndicates being established, which brings about drug and weapon trading. Expensive living costs in these metropolitan areas due to the overpopulation
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 directly
correlates
Correct subject-verb agreement
correlate
show examples
 to the escalation of illegal acts by the local populace.
Due to them
Change preposition
Them
show examples
needing
Wrong verb form
need
show examples
 an extra source of money, so they can continue to match the costs of surviving. One way a government can reduce these issues is by providing more jobs in, and surrounding the area. These work positions
however
 must come with a fair salary and
also
 provide adequate chances
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 career progression, to stop people
turning
Change preposition
from turning
show examples
 to
criminal
Add an article
the criminal
show examples
 enterprise as a means of income.
Alongisde
Correct your spelling
Alongside
 these
oppurtunities
Correct your spelling
opportunities
Add a hyphen
community-focused
show examples
community focused
Add a hyphen
community-focused
show examples
 education should be carried out as a supplementary process to halt the antisocial behaviour happening. These measures would encourage the citizens to be law
abdiding
Correct your spelling
abiding
 as they would have no need for more money,
moreover
Add a comma
,moreover
show examples
 they would
also
 understand that following the law results in a safer and more desirable society to live in. In
conclusion
Add a comma
,conclusion
show examples
 the burden of overpopulation in cities causes living costs to spiral out of control, giving rise to soaring crime rates and danger for the citizens. Combined efforts from the local council and the government to offer sufficiently waged work along with outreach programs to people will work as a solution to
this
 problem.
Submitted by mo.sharif7491 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: