Under British and Australian laws a jury in a criminal case has no access to information about the defendant's past criminal record. This protects the person who is being accused of the crime. Some lawyers have suggested that this practice should be changed and that a jury should be given all the past facts before they reach their decision about the case. Do you agree or disagree?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Many attorneys have said the practice of preventing the jury to get information on
previous
Add an article
the previous

The noun phrase previous criminal record seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article.

show examples
criminal record of the defendant before reaching their verdict about the case should be dropped. Because human beings have the perception of
the
Correct article usage
apply

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

show examples
reality
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

heavily influenced by cognitive biases, I do not agree
on
Change preposition
with

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

show examples
this
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

proposal. Humans are hard-wired to perceive
the
Correct article usage
apply

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

show examples
reality
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

according to their own, personal judgement. Changing
this
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

way of reasoning requires a constant exercise of self-awareness. Someone who was exposed to a specific fact will use that fact as a judgmental compass
,
Remove the comma
apply

It appears that you have an unnecessary comma before the dependent clause marker when. Consider removing the comma.

show examples
when exposed to a similar situation in the future. Members of a jury are human beings like anyone else; they are prone to failures, to preconceptions, so the Justice system must
purse
Correct your spelling
pursue

The word purse doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

show examples
a
reality
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

as closest as possible to
the
Correct article usage
apply

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

show examples
neutrality. On the other, some lawyers think
otherwise
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

: the system must provide all the information about preterit records, on the grounds of helping the jury to understand who the defendant is. They are unaware, not having in mind previously discussed biases,
an
Correct word choice
that an

It seems that conjunction use may be incorrect here.

show examples
innocent person can be condemned solely because she committed a crime in the past;
conversely
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, a criminal can be let off because she has a pristine past record.
An action
Remove the article
Action

The indefinite article, An, may be redundant when used with the uncountable noun action in your sentence. Consider removing it.

show examples
in good faith can result in more injustice
;
Correct word choice
and; therefore

It seems that conjunction use may be incorrect here.

show examples
therefore
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

in
Change preposition
apply

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

show examples
more criminality. In conclusion, even though those who stand for more openness on information when it comes to criminal records of the accused, in good faith, thinking
that is
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

the right way to provide justice;
that is
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

not an ineffective way to deal with
this
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

issue because it does not add
human
Add an article
the human
a human

The noun phrase human flawed perception seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article.

show examples
flawed perception of the
reality
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

,
that is
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

the cognitive biases.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: