Many people today do not feel safe either at home or when they are out. What are the causes? What are the solutions?

#people #home

Nowadays, many

people

are worried about their

safety

in both their houses and outer spaces. In

this

essay, I will explore the roots of

this

common concern and propose relative possible solutions.

To begin

with causes, the main reason why

people

feel unsafe in their homes can be the recent massive house destruction in some

areas

around the world, resulting from severe natural disasters

such

as extremely fast storms. The most prominent examples of these catastrophes were witnessed in some regions in the US after brutal tornadoes which caused numerous fatalities and completely destroyed existing homes in these

areas

Consequently

, some reports claimed that

people

's sense of

safety

has decreased dramatically in

areas

with similar climates. Another root of the issue is set to be air pollution, especially in overcrowded cities like Los Angeles in the US which can raise concerns about heart-related diseases. Some medical

researches

Fix the agreement mistake

research

show examples

show

Correct subject-verb agreement

shows

show examples

that the rate of cardiovascular diseases resulting from detrimental fumes has increased in recent years, especially among vulnerable groups including children and the elderly.

Thus

, it seems quite natural for

people

to be worried about their health conditions. Turning

two

Change preposition

to two

show examples

possible solutions, for house demolition, the most effective remedy would be sustainable development. To elaborate,

besides

selecting suitable sites for

further

housing constructions, which are away from

areas

prone to environmental hazards, home-builders should respect all

safety

measures related to home building. Had not been for the selection of appropriate fields for housing development, some communities would not have experienced dramatic bereavement and gotten their shelter wiped out and the fear of

such

sadness would not have been disseminated to other

areas

. Regarding air pollution, the problem would probably be mitigated by replacing fossil fuels with renewable energy, the recent epitome of which is hybrid and electric cars which are said to have decreased air pollution noticeably in some European cities. Given that, the general public, especially susceptible groups would not be concerned about their health. In conclusion,

people

's worries about their

safety

in their houses and outdoor environments mainly stem from the unstable physical status of their houses and polluted open spaces.

However

, these issues can be dealt with by more resilient construction and the replacement of green energy.

Submitted by TUTOO on Thu Jun 16 2022

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Task Achievement

The logical structure of the essay needs improvement to enhance coherence and clarity. The essay lacks specific and relevant examples to support the main points effectively. The introduction and conclusion are present and adequately address the task, but the discussion lacks depth and thoroughness. More comprehensive ideas and supporting details are needed to improve task achievement.

Coherence and Cohesion

The essay demonstrates a basic level of coherence and cohesion. However, the logical structure of the response is somewhat unclear, affecting the overall flow of the essay. The ideas are presented in a somewhat disjointed manner, and connections between sentences and paragraphs could be strengthened to improve coherence and cohesion.

Lexical Resource

The essay exhibits a limited range of vocabulary and lacks depth in the choice of language. Use of more precise and advanced vocabulary, as well as varied sentence structures, would enhance the lexical resource of the essay.

Grammatical Range

There are several grammatical errors and awkward phrasings throughout the essay. The range of sentence structures is limited, and there is a lack of complexity in the use of grammar. Paying more attention to sentence structure and grammar will improve the grammatical range of the essay.

Your opinion

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8Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

368 words

5.00

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Many people today do not feel safe either at home or when they are out. What are the causes? What are the solutions?

Your opinion

Computers are being used more and more in education. Some people say that this is a positive trend, while others argue that it is leading to negative consequences. Discuss both sides of this argument and then give your own opinion.

Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this case? Do you think this iş a positive or negatife development

Fatherhood ought to be emphasised as much as motherhood. The idea that women are solely responsible for deciding whether or not to have babies leads on to the idea that they are also responsible for bringing the children up.

Some people think that increasing communication usage of computers and mobile phones by young people has had a negative effect on their reading and writing skills. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Getting promotions is one of the biggest drives for people to apply themselves and work hard in the modern workplace. Why do you think people are so driven to get promotion? What other factors influence people to work hard?