Many people today do not feel safe either at home or when they are out. What are the causes? What are the solutions?

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Nowadays, many

people

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are worried about their

safety

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in both their houses and outer spaces. In

this

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essay, I will explore the roots of

this

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common concern and propose relative possible solutions.

To begin

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with causes, the main reason why

people

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feel unsafe in their homes can be the recent massive house destruction in some

areas

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around the world, resulting from severe natural disasters

such

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as extremely fast storms. The most prominent examples of these catastrophes were witnessed in some regions in the US after brutal tornadoes which caused numerous fatalities and completely destroyed existing homes in these

areas

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Consequently

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, some reports claimed that

people

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's sense of

safety

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has decreased dramatically in

areas

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with similar climates. Another root of the issue is set to be air pollution, especially in overcrowded cities like Los Angeles in the US which can raise concerns about heart-related diseases. Some medical

researches

Fix the agreement mistake

research

show examples

show

Correct subject-verb agreement

shows

show examples

that the rate of cardiovascular diseases resulting from detrimental fumes has increased in recent years, especially among vulnerable groups including children and the elderly.

Thus

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, it seems quite natural for

people

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to be worried about their health conditions. Turning

two

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to two

show examples

possible solutions, for house demolition, the most effective remedy would be sustainable development. To elaborate,

besides

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selecting suitable sites for

further

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housing constructions, which are away from

areas

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prone to environmental hazards, home-builders should respect all

safety

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measures related to home building. Had not been for the selection of appropriate fields for housing development, some communities would not have experienced dramatic bereavement and gotten their shelter wiped out and the fear of

such

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sadness would not have been disseminated to other

areas

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. Regarding air pollution, the problem would probably be mitigated by replacing fossil fuels with renewable energy, the recent epitome of which is hybrid and electric cars which are said to have decreased air pollution noticeably in some European cities. Given that, the general public, especially susceptible groups would not be concerned about their health. In conclusion,

people

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's worries about their

safety

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in their houses and outdoor environments mainly stem from the unstable physical status of their houses and polluted open spaces.

However

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, these issues can be dealt with by more resilient construction and the replacement of green energy.

Submitted by TUTOO on Thu Jun 16 2022

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Task Achievement

The logical structure of the essay needs improvement to enhance coherence and clarity. The essay lacks specific and relevant examples to support the main points effectively. The introduction and conclusion are present and adequately address the task, but the discussion lacks depth and thoroughness. More comprehensive ideas and supporting details are needed to improve task achievement.

Coherence and Cohesion

The essay demonstrates a basic level of coherence and cohesion. However, the logical structure of the response is somewhat unclear, affecting the overall flow of the essay. The ideas are presented in a somewhat disjointed manner, and connections between sentences and paragraphs could be strengthened to improve coherence and cohesion.

Lexical Resource

The essay exhibits a limited range of vocabulary and lacks depth in the choice of language. Use of more precise and advanced vocabulary, as well as varied sentence structures, would enhance the lexical resource of the essay.

Grammatical Range

There are several grammatical errors and awkward phrasings throughout the essay. The range of sentence structures is limited, and there is a lack of complexity in the use of grammar. Paying more attention to sentence structure and grammar will improve the grammatical range of the essay.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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8
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

368 words

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Many people today do not feel safe either at home or when they are out. What are the causes? What are the solutions?

Your opinion

A person’s worth nowadays seems to be judged according to social status and material possessions. Old-fashioned values, such as honour, kindness and trust, no longer seem important. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

Some people think that physical strength is more important fi for success in sport, while others think that mental strength is mort important. Discuss both views and give your own opinion .

Some people believe that children learn better when they are placed in classes with children of similar academic abilities. Others believe that children learn better when they are in classes with children representing a diverse range of academic abilities. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Some people believe that it is best to accept a bad situation, such as an unsatisfactory job or shortage of money. Others argue that it is better to try and improve such situations. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.