Many people today do not feel safe either at home or when they are out. What are the causes? What are the solutions?
Nowadays, many
people
are worried about their safety
in both their houses and outer spaces. In this
essay, I will explore the roots of this
common concern and propose relative possible solutions.
To begin
with causes, the main reason why people
feel unsafe in their homes can be the recent massive house destruction in some areas
around the world, resulting from severe natural disasters such
as extremely fast storms. The most prominent examples of these catastrophes were witnessed in some regions in the US after brutal tornadoes which caused numerous fatalities and completely destroyed existing homes in these areas
. Consequently
, some reports claimed that people
's sense of safety
has decreased dramatically in areas
with similar climates. Another root of the issue is set to be air pollution, especially in overcrowded cities like Los Angeles in the US which can raise concerns about heart-related diseases. Some medical researches
Fix the agreement mistake
research
show
that the rate of cardiovascular diseases resulting from detrimental fumes has increased in recent years, especially among vulnerable groups including children and the elderly. Correct subject-verb agreement
shows
Thus
, it seems quite natural for people
to be worried about their health conditions.
Turning two
possible solutions, for house demolition, the most effective remedy would be sustainable development. To elaborate, Change preposition
to two
besides
selecting suitable sites for further
housing constructions, which are away from areas
prone to environmental hazards, home-builders should respect all safety
measures related to home building. Had not been for the selection of appropriate fields for housing development, some communities would not have experienced dramatic bereavement and gotten their shelter wiped out and the fear of such
sadness would not have been disseminated to other areas
. Regarding air pollution, the problem would probably be mitigated by replacing fossil fuels with renewable energy, the recent epitome of which is hybrid and electric cars which are said to have decreased air pollution noticeably in some European cities. Given that, the general public, especially susceptible groups would not be concerned about their health.
In conclusion, people
's worries about their safety
in their houses and outdoor environments mainly stem from the unstable physical status of their houses and polluted open spaces. However
, these issues can be dealt with by more resilient construction and the replacement of green energy.Submitted by TUTOO on
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Task Achievement
The logical structure of the essay needs improvement to enhance coherence and clarity. The essay lacks specific and relevant examples to support the main points effectively. The introduction and conclusion are present and adequately address the task, but the discussion lacks depth and thoroughness. More comprehensive ideas and supporting details are needed to improve task achievement.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay demonstrates a basic level of coherence and cohesion. However, the logical structure of the response is somewhat unclear, affecting the overall flow of the essay. The ideas are presented in a somewhat disjointed manner, and connections between sentences and paragraphs could be strengthened to improve coherence and cohesion.
Lexical Resource
The essay exhibits a limited range of vocabulary and lacks depth in the choice of language. Use of more precise and advanced vocabulary, as well as varied sentence structures, would enhance the lexical resource of the essay.
Grammatical Range
There are several grammatical errors and awkward phrasings throughout the essay. The range of sentence structures is limited, and there is a lack of complexity in the use of grammar. Paying more attention to sentence structure and grammar will improve the grammatical range of the essay.
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