Television, newspaper, magazines, and other media pay too much attention to the personal lives of famous people such as public figures and celebrities. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant example from your own knowledge or experience.
Recently, there have been tons of show programmes delivering entertainers' everyday
lives
. Some consume these programmes without any thoughts, while
others are concerned about issues that could be prompted by the focused interest in celebrities
' lives
. I totally agree with the latter argument. This
essay will demonstrate why I believe the statement.
First of all, the public can be depressed by comparing their lives
with those of famous figures. For instance
, as the Korean parenting reality programme that shows how actors raise their children became popular, many parents in Korea felt guilty with their children that they could not support their kids as well as
the actors do. Admittedly, individuals can get some tips to care their
children through the programme, Change preposition
for their
however
, it is not the only source to get them. The excessive exposal of entertainers' personal lives
can make individuals dissatisfied with their current states, which can cause social inequality.
In addition
, celebrities
who present their private lives
through various media can be potential victims of a serious crime. For example
, some idols who introduced their house to fans through social media suffered from stalking crimes. With the rapid advancement of information technology, everything in their private area that is
viewed through media can be a trigger of unexpected dangerous situations. Therefore
, producers should keep that in mind when picturing entertainers' private lives
.
To conclude
, too much highlight on celebrities
' personal lives
can cause problems for both viewers and celebrities
. Since this
can cause damage to individual
and societyFix the agreement mistake
individuals
wise
, It is necessary to seek balance when presenting famous figures' Correct word choice
apply
lives
.Submitted by ywb516 on
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task achievement
While you have introduced the essay with a clear opinion and concluded your argument, your ideas could benefit from deeper analysis and further development. Additionally, try to ensure that your introduction and conclusion accurately reflect the content of your main body paragraphs.
coherence cohesion
Your essay displays a level of logical structuring, with paragraphs dedicated to different ideas. However, work on linking these ideas more clearly and cohesively. Transition phrases and a clearer overarching argument would enhance the flow of the essay.