IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

The government should allocate more funds to public services instead of wasting money on arts such as music, painting and so on. Do you agree or disagree with this statement? Give your own opinion.

#government #funds #services #money #arts #music
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Nowadays, the
government
Use synonyms
 help our society to build infrastructure
such
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 as hospital, school and so on. The
government
Use synonyms
 should spend their money
behind
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the local services in spite of the cultural events like music, dancing etc. I strongly agree with
this
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 statement and I will give my opinion in the upcoming paragraphs.
To begin
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 with, we know about in the present era, several humankind lives below the poverty level. They do have not enough cash for study their children in colleges or universities.
For example
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,
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 number of schools and colleges are working in private. If our
government
Use synonyms
 spend their money and
establish
Correct subject-verb agreement
establishes
show examples
 a new
government
Use synonyms
 high school
then
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 many students can study.
As a result
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, literacy proportion will escalate. Apart from
this
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, medical is
also
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 costly in the private sector.
However
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, many
people
Use synonyms
 cannot pay the hospital bills and they spread disease.
Therefore
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, our
government
Use synonyms
 hospitals, and protect the
people
Use synonyms
 from harmful diseases.
Furthermore
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, nowadays
electricity
Use synonyms
, gas and water is the primary source
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 the community to live without bother.
Although
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, these things are very expensive.
However
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, some folks cannot
afford
Correct pronoun usage
itafford
show examples
.
For instance
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, in the modern century, the
electricity
Use synonyms
 price is 12 RS. Per unit that’s why
people
Use synonyms
 live without lights. For that reason, the
government
Use synonyms
 must spend their wealth
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 build the equipment which generates
electricity
Use synonyms
such
Linking Words
 as
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 solar
system
Fix the agreement mistake
systems
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,
windmill
Fix the agreement mistake
windmills
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, water operated
generator
Fix the agreement mistake
generators
show examples
 and so on.
Consequently
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, every
people
Use synonyms
 can obtain
this
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 facility.
In contrast
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, music, and arts
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
are not mandatory for
people
Use synonyms
. These things are not essential for
human
Fix the agreement mistake
humans
show examples
 to live
happy
Change the adjective
happily
show examples
 so the
government
Use synonyms
 should use their cash
in
Change preposition
for
show examples
 public services. To conclude, I suppose, the basic needs of
people
Use synonyms
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 food,
electricity
Use synonyms
 and home that thing plays a vital role in human life to live
happy
Change the adjective
happily
show examples
.
However
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,
Use synonyms
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
 should spend their money to
fulfill
Change the spelling
fulfil
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
human needs ,not any worst events.
Submitted by shrikunjrana0612 on

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