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Writing Samples /
Band 8

Successful sports professional can earn a great deal more money than people in other important professions. Some people think this is fully justified while other think it is unfair. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#sports #money #people #professions
Nowadays, there is a number of debates on the level of wealth between successful soccer
players
 with other experts, like Accountants and doctors. Some people think successful soccer
players
 earn too much.
In contrast
, some people might think their pay scale is fully justified. Let me illustrate my perspective in the below paragraphs.
First
 of all, most well-known
sports
players
 are mostly billionaires.
For example
, Michael Jordan. We need to realise that
sports
players
 have a much shorter career life than other specialists.
such
 as
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 Doctors, who can work up to 65 years.
Additionally
, those well-known persons might build up their own brand name in order to generate other income. To be a famous
sports
 star, which is a different career path as they need to put numerous efforts into training over years and years in order to get ready to have a competition.
On the other hand
, other professions need to update their knowledge and skills in order to maintain and secure their careers live.
For example
, doctor. Another profession provides services to the public's needs. While
sports
 stars can provide entertainment to the public. But, they cannot provide essential services to our society. Imagine that if most people tend to choose
sports
 to be their career path, there might not have sufficient specialists, who can provide services to the public.
Thus
, we cannot underestimate their effort. In conclusion, I do agree well-known
sports
 stars can earn much more money than others, with the consideration that they put an enormous effect to chase their dream, which would inspire us that their effect can be paid off.
Submitted by ABC_XYZ on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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