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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Weddings are getting bigger and more expensive. What is the reason for this? Is it a positive or negative development?

In the modern world, many would argue that marriages have become a costlier affair that has a negative
impact
Use synonyms
 on
society
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 .
However
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, I think it is a positive phenomenon that has benefited local businesses and
society
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 in generating more revenue. Those who argue against the positive impacts have every right to do so based on the negative influences it has on
society
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. People tend to spend more and
take
Verb problem
put
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 more pressure on
themselves
Punctuation problem
themselves,
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it
Correct pronoun usage
which
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also
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 has a negative
impact
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 on the family dynamics.
For example
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,
In
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in
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,
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apply
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Bihar
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Bihar,
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 there is an increase in the number of deaths caused
due to
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 overspending during marriages. Parents
take
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put
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 too much pressure on them to meet the societal ego and end up with deep holes in their pockets.
Linking Words
furthermore
Fix capitalization
Furthermore
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, families can end up with too much debt that will require them to put more effort into generating money .
However
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, contrary to
this
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 popular belief , there are numerous positive impacts as well .
Firstly
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, expensive weddings tend to generate more revenue for local businesses.
For example
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, corner flower shops can
be
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apply
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hugely
benefitted
Verb problem
benefit
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by
Change preposition
from
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 overspending on these weddings.
Secondly
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, expensive
wedlocks
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weddings
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 generate handsome revenue for the government that
in
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, in
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turn
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turn,
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 can be used to provide more incentives to the general public.
Finally
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, these extravagant affairs end up providing short-term vacancies to the poorer section of
the
Correct article usage
apply
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society
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and
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, and
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that is
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also
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 beneficial . In conclusion, there are both negative and positive impacts of these expensive affairs
and
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, and
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 people can argue both ways
but
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, but
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 the positive
impact
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 outweighs the negative
impact
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and
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, and
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hence
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 I think it's a positive development that has
benefitted
Use the right word
benefited
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society
Use synonyms
 greatly.

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task
Explain the reason for rising costs in a clear way. State one main reason and back it with one or two facts or ideas.
task
Make your view clear in the first or second line. State if you think this is good or bad in a simple way.
task
Add more and better examples. Use examples you can verify and that fit the prompt.
coherence
You use link words to show ideas, like However, Firstly, Secondly, Finally.
task response
You give both sides in one piece and then give your view, which shows balance.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • lavish
  • extravagant
  • nuptials
  • matrimony
  • social status
  • opulence
  • milestone
  • financial leverage
  • debt
  • peer pressure
  • consumerism
  • showcase event
  • ceremonial splendor
  • bridal extravaganza
  • market forces
  • commercialization
  • budgeting
  • social comparison
  • destinal wedding
  • event planning
  • wedding vendors
  • loan
  • prestige
  • economic impact
  • mandatory spending
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