IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people think that it is more beneficial to take part in sports which are played in teams, like football, while other people think that taking part in individual sports, like tennis or swimming, is better. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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An immensely controversial phenomenon in the contemporary epoch today relates to whether physical sports in a group or personal games are advantageous. In
this
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 essay, I am going to examine the stated question from both points of view and
then
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 interpret why I reckon that team sports are vital for learning and boosting a person's confidence in the forthcoming paragraphs.
To begin
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 with, there are a number of arguments in favour of my stance. The most preponderant is that beyond doubt team sports
lead
Verb problem
have

There may be a verb use issue here.

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 plenty of advantages.
for instance
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, the
entire
Correct word choice
apply

There may be an adjective issue here.

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members of the teams have numerous traits and talents and each performs their best to thrive in their nation.
In addition
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 to
this
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, there are numerous other benefits in various fields. Thanks to the wide range of advantages it offers, not only does one benefit more when it comes to being effective, but they can enhance productivity and quality of their lives, with much ease, efficacy, and convenience. Needless to say, all these merits stand out in good stead, as far as augmenting the chances of prosperity and excellence is concerned.
On the other hand
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, Another pivotal factor in the aforementioned proposition is that it is only likely to help one thrive and excel in varied areas.
Besides
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, when only one follows
such
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 a system, can they broaden their horizons,
hence
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 learning these attributes
as
Correct quantifier usage
such as

It seems that quantifier use may be incorrect here.

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 dedication and perseverance.
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

as
Capitalize word
As

The word as should be capitalized in this context.

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 a result, it is apparent why myriad is in the patronage of individual games. To cite an example, the win credit goes to a single person who outperformed in the tournament
and
Correct word choice
apply

It seems that conjunction use may be incorrect here.

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conquer
Wrong verb form
conquered

It appears that your sentence or clause uses an incorrect form of the verb conquer. Consider changing it.

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 their country and
become
Wrong verb form
became

It appears that your sentence or clause uses an incorrect form of the verb become. Consider changing it.

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 a prominent person.
To sum up
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

,
according to
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 the
forenamed
Correct word choice
aforementioned

There may be an adjective issue here.

show examples
 quarrels, I would like to restate my perspective that the fruitful vantages of squad plays are indeed too terrific to neglect the isolated plays in the current era and it is a source of enjoyment.

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Task response
The essay addresses the question but lacks clarity and coherence. The points are not effectively supported.
Coherence and cohesion
The essay lacks clear logical structure and cohesion. It needs better organization of ideas and more explicit connections between paragraphs.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • cooperation
  • team spirit
  • sense of belonging
  • community
  • leadership
  • trust
  • collective responsibility
  • dependency
  • self-reliance
  • self-discipline
  • goal setting
  • tailored development
  • flexibility
  • social support
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