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Band 5.5

Some schools now offer their courses on the internet so that people can study online. Do you think this is a positive or negative development

#schools #offer #courses #internet #people #study #development
Nowadays, various technologically inclined methods are used to teach. A fraction of technological institutes currently administer classes online to ensure that students participate. I firmly believe that
this
 development is advantageous and would promote education.
To begin
 with, accessibility is one of the major reasons that online tutoring is thriving.
This
 is
due to
 the fact that regardless of geographical location, individuals from different walks of life are able to access
courses
 which could be during the day or at night.
As a result
, adults in the working class are able to acquire more qualifications for their
self development
Add a hyphen
self-development
show examples
 or for the betterment of their profession.
For example
, during the COVID-19
pandemic
Add a comma
pandemic,
show examples
 numerous people were able to attend one online class or webinar through the newly launched Zoom application. The above informs that distance is no longer a barrier to
harness
Wrong verb form
harnessing
show examples
 knowledge.
Furthermore
, reduced
cost
 of learning is a significant advantage of lectures on the internet if looked into as a whole.
This
 is
as
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a result of minimal or no
cost
 of transportation,
together with
absence
Add an article
the absence
an absence
show examples
 of accommodation expenses because
participants
Change noun form
participants'
participant's
show examples
 physical presence is not required.
Therefore
, there is an
overall
 reduction
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 spending when compared to conventional learning ditto for school fees.
For instance
, statistics published by
Ministry
Correct article usage
the Ministry
show examples
 of Education showed that classes attended via
website
Add an article
the website
show examples
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 delivered at a less expensive rate when compared to traditional settings.
As a consequence
, it can be said that attending
courses
 on social media platforms is
cost effective
Add a hyphen
cost-effective
show examples
. In conclusion,
although
admistering
Correct your spelling
administering
courses
 via the internet may possess its disadvantages, I strongly opine that low-
cost
 fruitful learning
as well as
 the ease of attending
courses
 are merits that
outweighs
Change the verb form
outweigh
show examples
 its drawbacks.

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task achievement
Your essay effectively addresses the prompt and provides a clear viewpoint. However, ensure to use specific examples more consistently to strengthen your arguments even further. For instance, you could mention specific online platforms or courses that have been widely successful.
coherence cohesion
Consider refining some of your sentences for better clarity and coherence. For example, the sentence about the COVID-19 pandemic could be streamlined for more impactful reading: 'During the COVID-19 pandemic, numerous people attended online classes or webinars via the newly launched Zoom application.' This makes the point clearer and more focused.
general advice
There were a few minor grammatical errors and typos that can be easily corrected to improve the overall readability of your essay. For instance, 'administer' was misspelled as 'admister' and 'outweighs' should be 'outweigh'.
task achievement
Your introduction clearly states your position on the topic, which helps set the direction for the rest of your essay.
coherence cohesion
You included a well-developed conclusion that reiterates your main points and leaves a strong impression on the reader.
coherence cohesion
Your essay is logically structured with a clear progression of ideas from one paragraph to the next.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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