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Writing Samples
Band 7

Academic Graph charts show various activities in a US office in 1980 , 2000

Academic Graph charts show various activities in a US office in 1980 , 2000
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The given pie charts illustrate the amount of
time
Use synonyms
 spent on different activities in an American office in the years 1980 and 2000.
Overall
Linking Words
, it is clear the usage of phone calls
were
Correct subject-verb agreement
was
show examples
 high and the least
time
Use synonyms
 spent on the computer in 1980.
Whereas
Linking Words
 in 2000, consumption of
time
Use synonyms
 was maximal,
Furthermore
Linking Words
 the email category was in minimal usage and there
was
Change the verb form
were
show examples
 no big changes in other activities. Looking at the details of
pie
Correct article usage
the pie
show examples
 charts, in 1980, a fifth of
Use synonyms
time
Correct article usage
the time
show examples
consumption
Replace the word
consumed
show examples
 was on paper documents and meetings(20%),
while
Linking Words
time
Use synonyms
 spent on computers was an insignificant portion(2%).
Likewise
Linking Words
, face-to-face communication and other activities took around 15%
time
Use synonyms
 each.
However
Linking Words
, in 2000,
time
Use synonyms
 spent on phone calls and paper documents decreased sharply to 14% to 10% respectively.
Similarly
Linking Words
, the
time
Use synonyms
 spent on meetings reduced considerably from 19% to 9%.
However
Linking Words
, the usage of computers escalated dramatically from 2% to 30% in the two decades.
Email
Correct article usage
The email
show examples
 option was not there in 1980, but it took away 8% of office
time
Use synonyms
 in 2000.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "however".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words time with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "charts" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • proportion
  • traditional activities
  • digital activities
  • emergence
  • significant changes
  • technological progress
  • business practices
  • evolving communication methods
  • surprising findings
  • shaped
  • speculate
  • observed data
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