IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

the goverment should spend more money on public services rather than wasting money on the arts. to whar extend do you agree od disagree?

#goverment #money #services #arts #whar #od
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It is often argued that the government should finance public
services
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instead
Linking Words
 of spending the budget on art, music,and theatre.
Although
Linking Words
i
Change the capitalization
I
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 agree that the administration's investment in public
services
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 plays a crucial role,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 think that proper funding of the arts is
also
Linking Words
 important for our community. On the one hand, it is an inevitable fact that spending a large amount of the government budget on public
services
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 can lead to economic benefits for a nation.
This
Linking Words
 economic sector determines the overall quality of citizens' lives ensuring the basic
services
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 like schools, hospitals and roads and eventually a faster process of
people
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's daily routine. Public
services
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 satisfy the primary needs of the society despite the fact that artists and musicians are not curing diseases or building structures
therefore
Linking Words
, their role is secondary.
For instance
Linking Words
, any county can live without concerts ,
Linking Words
however
Add a comma
,however
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 the absence of medicine will create significant problems.
Thus
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, the government should adequately finance public
services
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 in the
first
Linking Words
 place.
On the other hand
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, arts, music and theatre are not completely a waste of money since they are an important part of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society's culture and the main sector of
people
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's leisure time. Art is a way that
people
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 can express themselves through different techniques and bring satisfaction
towards
Change preposition
to
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 watching. Quite often a single drawing, piece or song can exhort
myriad
Correct article usage
a myriad
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 of
people
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 to reconsider their attitude towards some particular situation.
For
Linking Words
example
Add a comma
,example
show examples
 visiting museums,
watching
Correct word choice
and watching
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 movies and plays are common ways of relaxation. To conclude, even though
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
the ministry should allocate a large part of its budget
on
Change preposition
to
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such
Linking Words
 urgent needs of the society like public
services
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, I believe that arts, music and theatre should
also
Linking Words
 be financed since they play a significant role in
people
Use synonyms
's development and entertainment.
Submitted by melikaarttkd on

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