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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people believe that reading stories from a book is better than watching TV or playing a computer game for children. Do you agree or disagree?

#people #stories #book #tv #computer #game #children
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It is said that reading
stories
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 from
books
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 is more beneficial to
children
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 than watching
tv
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programs
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. I strongly disagree with
this
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 idea because of the perfect positive effects of
Tv
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programs
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 on
children
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such
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 as shaping their
personalities
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 and keeping their knowledge updated.
Tv
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programs
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 and
games
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 can be positively effective on
children
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 since they present
many
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much
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 awareness in
children
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 and in my opinion,
this
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 can directly
effect
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affect
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on
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apply
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children
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’s
personalities
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. I have noticed that a remarkable portion of
children
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’s time is spent
on
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apply
show examples
watching
TV
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programs
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 and playing
games
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 and
as a result
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, they are exposed to a wide range of
information
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.
this
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 situation perfectly helps
children
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 know about their identities, emotions,
personalities
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 and ideas. As
children
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 grow, their
personalities
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 are likely to be made consciously through the received knowledge. Watching
TV
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programs
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 and playing computer
games
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 are absolutely more beneficial to
children
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 than reading
stories
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 from
books
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 because
children
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 receive updated
information
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 through
Tv
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 and
Games
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.
Now days
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Nowadays
show examples
, we live in a fast data transferring world and new
Programs
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 and
games
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 are being made and transferred incredibly fast.
Tv
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programs
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 and
games
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 are the main means to receive brand new
information
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 for people
from
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of
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 all ages including
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Children
Fix capitalization
children
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. Take the Cinderella Story and The Simpsons as an example. Cinderella story was written decades ago and more importantly it is clearly based on the old fashion lifestyle but the
world famous
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world-famous
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tv
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 show named Simpsons is based on the modern lifestyle,
in
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addition
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,addition
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 it includes recent
information
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.
This
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 could be an obvious example
for
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of
show examples
 the benefits of
Tv
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 shows and
games
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. In short, from my point of view, watching
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Tv
Add an article
a Tv
show examples
show
Fix the agreement mistake
shows
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 and playing
games
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 are certainly better than reading
stories
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 from
books
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 for
children
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.
Although
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 Some
of
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apply
show examples
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stories
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the stories
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 for
children
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 impart wisdom to them and help them grow,
books
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 are getting old and difficult to be kept updated.
Submitted by fatemezand1990 on

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Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • imagination
  • creativity
  • visualize
  • critical thinking
  • immediate gratification
  • problem-solving
  • language development
  • vocabulary expansion
  • interactive
  • engaging
  • attention span
  • moral values
  • life lessons
  • empathize
  • fleeting connections
What to do next:
Look at other essays: