Some people believe that reading stories from a book is better than watching TV or playing a computer game for children. Do you agree or disagree?

#people #stories #book #tv #computer #game #children

It is said that reading

stories

from

books

is more beneficial to

children

than watching

programs

. I strongly disagree with

this

idea because of the perfect positive effects of

programs

children

such

as shaping their

personalities

and keeping their knowledge updated.

programs

and

games

can be positively effective on

children

since they present

many

Replace the quantifier

much

show examples

awareness in

children

and in my opinion,

this

can directly

effect

Correct your spelling

affect

show examples

Change preposition

apply

show examples

children

’s

personalities

. I have noticed that a remarkable portion of

children

’s time is spent

Change preposition

apply

show examples

watching

programs

and playing

games

and

as a result

, they are exposed to a wide range of

information

this

situation perfectly helps

children

know about their identities, emotions,

personalities

and ideas. As

children

grow, their

personalities

are likely to be made consciously through the received knowledge. Watching

programs

and playing computer

games

are absolutely more beneficial to

children

than reading

stories

from

books

because

children

receive updated

information

through

and

Games

Now days

Correct the word

Nowadays

show examples

, we live in a fast data transferring world and new

Programs

and

games

are being made and transferred incredibly fast.

programs

and

games

are the main means to receive brand new

information

for people

from

Change preposition

show examples

all ages including

Children

Fix capitalization

children

show examples

. Take the Cinderella Story and The Simpsons as an example. Cinderella story was written decades ago and more importantly it is clearly based on the old fashion lifestyle but the

world famous

Add a hyphen

world-famous

show examples

show named Simpsons is based on the modern lifestyle,

addition

Add a comma

,addition

show examples

it includes recent

information

This

could be an obvious example

for

Change preposition

show examples

the benefits of

shows and

games

. In short, from my point of view, watching

Add an article

a Tv

show examples

show

Fix the agreement mistake

shows

show examples

and playing

games

are certainly better than reading

stories

from

books

for

children

Although

Some

Change preposition

apply

show examples

stories

Add an article

the stories

show examples

for

children

impart wisdom to them and help them grow,

books

are getting old and difficult to be kept updated.

Submitted by fatemezand1990 on Mon Jun 20 2022

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Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

firstly
secondly
thirdly
in additional
moreover
also
for example
for instance
therefore
however
although
even though
despite

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5Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
14Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

310 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

🚀 Prepare for IELTS writing section today!

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Topic Vocabulary:

imagination
creativity
visualize
critical thinking
immediate gratification
problem-solving
language development
vocabulary expansion
interactive
engaging
attention span
moral values
life lessons
empathize
fleeting connections

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Some people believe that reading stories from a book is better than watching TV or playing a computer game for children. Do you agree or disagree?

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Governments should provide their people with health care programs. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

in many countries today, parents are able to choose to send their children to single sex schools or co-educational schools. Some people think that children going to single sex schools have disadvantages later in life. To what extent do you agree?

As water is valuable resource, governments all over the world should control how much water their citizens use. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

Many people believe that mobile phones cause more harms than the benefits and that’s why mobile phones should be restricted? To what extent do you agree or disagree?