IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Bullying is a big problem in many schools. What do you think are the causes of this? What solutions can you suggest? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Bullying is one of the
problems
Use synonyms
 that often occur at
school
Use synonyms
 in the world. There are many things of
abuse
Use synonyms
 that
children
Use synonyms
 usually do with their friends. I believe that
this
Linking Words
 causes a lack of attention and personal
problems
Use synonyms
. I will give solutions for
this
Linking Words
 case that can solve the
problems
Use synonyms
. On the one hand, nowadays, several pupils at
school
Use synonyms
 usually commit bullying with their friends because they get less attention. Most of them have experienced a broken home and are likely to get some
abuse
Use synonyms
 from their
parents
Use synonyms
 at home and making
children
Use synonyms
 feel that bullying
people
Use synonyms
 at
school
Use synonyms
 is not harmful. To show the evidence for
this
Linking Words
 case, young
people
Use synonyms
 who have
a personal
Correct the article-noun agreement
a personal problem
personal problems
show examples
problems
Use synonyms
 with their
parents
Use synonyms
 or their personality are
people
Use synonyms
 that often commit crimes. They cannot handle their emotions and assume that the violence is routine, and they do not care about everything around them.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
although
Linking Words
 many
children
Use synonyms
 are often bullied at
school
Use synonyms
, those have solutions to solve.
Firstly
Linking Words
,
parents
Use synonyms
 should educate their
children
Use synonyms
 and give them more attention so that
children
Use synonyms
 cannot see
abuse
Use synonyms
 in front of their eyes and make them desire to imitate their parent's
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
.
Secondly
Linking Words
, regulations in
school
Use synonyms
 should be strict for pupils who tend to commit
abuse
Use synonyms
 because every young
people
Use synonyms
 have different
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
, so the teacher needs to make an effort to shape their student's characteristics.
For instance
Linking Words
, schools can provide strict rules for their student,
such
Linking Words
 as being expelled from
school
Use synonyms
. In conclusion, bullying is unacceptable for
people
Use synonyms
, especially
children
Use synonyms
 at
school
Use synonyms
. I believe that students who commit the violence with their friends have personal
problems
Use synonyms
 either with their
parents
Use synonyms
 or their personality. All abuses can reduce with the role of
parents
Use synonyms
 and teachers at their
school
Use synonyms
.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Bullying
  • Harassment
  • Intimidation
  • Diversity
  • Adolescent
  • Mimic
  • Aggressive behavior
  • Cyberbullying
  • Peer pressure
  • Social acceptance
  • Awareness
  • Conflict resolution
  • Peer mediation
  • Consequences
  • Respect
  • Kindness
  • Open communication
  • Vulnerable
  • Buddy system
What to do next:
Look at other essays: