IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Modern technology is now very common in most work places. How do you think this has changed the way we work? Do you think there are disadvanges on rely too much on technology?

Nowadays ,
advance
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advanced
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technology
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 is increasingly popular in
majority
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the majority
a majority
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 of
work
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 premises.The advent of
technology
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 makes
work
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 easier and faster compared to
olden
Correct article usage
the olden
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 days.
However
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,the setbacks of
Add a hyphen
over-dependency
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over dependency
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over-dependency
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 on
technology
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is
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are
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 unemployment and eye
problem
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.
This
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 essay will discuss
into
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in
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details
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detail
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the drawbacks and how machinery has changed the way
employees
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 function
with
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for
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example
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examples
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 in subsequent paragraphs .
To begin
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 with,Technological development help make
work
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 simple ,
Correct word choice
and quickly
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quickly
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quick
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 and reduce cost compared to the ancient times. In the past ,Companies employ
workers
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 to send
their
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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letters to their various business partners and customer which takes
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a day
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day
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days
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 to reach them.
However
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 with the advancement in
technology
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such
Linking Words
 as
computer
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computers
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,
Business
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Businesses
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 are able to send information to their client
with
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in
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 the shortest possible time.
For instance
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 ,Manager uses computers to send email to their customers which is very quick and simple than in the past
which
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when
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 a messenger has to send it to the post office to be delivered to various clients.
This
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 takes more time depending on the location of the individual.
Furthermore
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 ,Organisation will not pay any salary to employ
workers
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 to send
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a letter
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letter
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letters
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 around to various
customer
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customers
show examples
.
This
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 help to allocate the money that will be given to
employees
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 to be
use
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used
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 in different sector of the company and
also
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 reduce finances. Again, two drawbacks of current
technology
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is
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are
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 unemployment and eye
problem
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.
Employees
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 are glued to
computer
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a computer
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screen
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screens
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 during working hours which
last
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 for more than 10 hours. Exposure to the screen for a long time causes vision
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problem
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problems
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 in the future.
for example
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, a recent survey conducted
in
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by
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 Barclay Bank
suggest
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suggests
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 that most of their retired
workers
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 had sight
problem
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 due to the use of
computer
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a computer
the computer
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 during their working period.
Furthermore
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 ,
technology
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 like concrete mixer machine can do a
work
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 that about 30
employees
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 can do. Companies use
technology
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 to supplant
workers
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 thereby sacking some
workers
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 result in
loss
Correct article usage
the loss
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 of jobs. In conclusion, Technological development has
help
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helped
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workers
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 in their
work
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 environment to make
work
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 simple ,
quick
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and quick
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 and helps Organisations to reduce their finances.
However
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 ,it is detrimental to their health causing sight
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problem
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problems
show examples
 and loss of jobs in companies.

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Your opinion

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If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

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...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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