Some people feel that entertainers (e.g. stars, pop musicians or sports stars) are paid too much money. Do you agree or disagree? Which other types of job should be highly paid?To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? (IELTS 2, AC)

#people #entertainers #e #g #stars #pop #musicians #sports #money #job #ielts #ac

Many people think that popular stars, singers and sportsmen are paid too much money. To some extent, I agree with

this

point of view. For some reason, the other most important type of

job

should be getting better paid. In

this

essay

Add a comma

,essay

show examples

I will demonstrate there are other

jobs

that can get better paid compared to

entertainers

. There are some reasons other

job

positions should get to highly paid than

entertainers

such

doctors

, polices and

teachers

First

doctors

and nurses play vital roles in

society

because they are taking care of sick or aged people who need special needs.

Moreover

, a policeman is protecting their community from harmful situations.

Also

, they have the responsibility to

work

with a healthy

society

. It is a very essential key role for any

society

. Without that person in the

community

Add a comma

,community

show examples

it would lead to very hard conflict situations everywhere.

That is

why those positions of

jobs

sometimes need to

work

timelessness without private life. The

last

essential

job

teachers

who need to get a higher salary. Because they educate our children and

this

job

required high-level effort. It is not easy to imagine without

teachers

who are guiding us to wonderful a future and preparing smart and educated people in our

society

On the other hand

, to some extent,

entertainers

are doing important

work

. It is important for their role is bring about joyfulness and happiness in their

society

However

, in other

jobs

, as mentioned above

doctors

, polices and teacher have to

work

harder than

entertainers

and must tackle a hard situation.

Furthermore

, those

job

positions required them to study for a long period as a doctor, even if they have to continue to study when they are working because of new pandemics or unknown illnesses that need to discover and need to find out how to stop them. In conclusion, some of the

jobs

need to be more highly paid than popular stars, because their role of responsibility is higher than those of

entertainers

such

doctors

teachers

, and policemen.

Submitted by ulziiko81 on Tue Jun 21 2022

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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10Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

339 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 7.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

7.5

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Some people feel that entertainers (e.g. stars, pop musicians or sports stars) are paid too much money. Do you agree or disagree? Which other types of job should be highly paid?To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? (IELTS 2, AC)

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Financial education should be included as a mandatory subject in schools to prepare students for managing money effectively. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

More and more People are shifting to a Plant based diet. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

Young people are leaving their homes in rural areas to work or study in cities. What are the reasons? Do the advantages of this development outweigh the drawbacks?