Some people feel that entertainers (e.g. stars, pop musicians or sports stars) are paid too much money. Do you agree or disagree? Which other types of job should be highly paid?To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? (IELTS 2, AC)

#people #entertainers #e #g #stars #pop #musicians #sports #money #job #ielts #ac

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Many people think that popular stars, singers and sportsmen are paid too much money. To some extent, I agree with

this

Linking Words

point of view. For some reason, the other most important type of

job

Use synonyms

should be getting better paid. In

this

Linking Words

essay

Add a comma

,essay

show examples

I will demonstrate there are other

jobs

Use synonyms

that can get better paid compared to

entertainers

Use synonyms

. There are some reasons other

job

Use synonyms

positions should get to highly paid than

entertainers

Use synonyms

such

Linking Words

doctors

Use synonyms

, polices and

teachers

Use synonyms

First

Linking Words

doctors

Use synonyms

and nurses play vital roles in

society

Use synonyms

because they are taking care of sick or aged people who need special needs.

Moreover

Linking Words

, a policeman is protecting their community from harmful situations.

Also

Linking Words

, they have the responsibility to

work

Use synonyms

with a healthy

society

Use synonyms

. It is a very essential key role for any

society

Use synonyms

. Without that person in the

community

Add a comma

,community

show examples

it would lead to very hard conflict situations everywhere.

That is

Linking Words

why those positions of

jobs

Use synonyms

sometimes need to

work

Use synonyms

timelessness without private life. The

last

Linking Words

essential

job

Use synonyms

teachers

Use synonyms

who need to get a higher salary. Because they educate our children and

this

Linking Words

job

Use synonyms

required high-level effort. It is not easy to imagine without

teachers

Use synonyms

who are guiding us to wonderful a future and preparing smart and educated people in our

society

Use synonyms

On the other hand

Linking Words

, to some extent,

entertainers

Use synonyms

are doing important

work

Use synonyms

. It is important for their role is bring about joyfulness and happiness in their

society

Use synonyms

However

Linking Words

, in other

jobs

Use synonyms

, as mentioned above

doctors

Use synonyms

, polices and teacher have to

work

Use synonyms

harder than

entertainers

Use synonyms

and must tackle a hard situation.

Furthermore

Linking Words

, those

job

Use synonyms

positions required them to study for a long period as a doctor, even if they have to continue to study when they are working because of new pandemics or unknown illnesses that need to discover and need to find out how to stop them. In conclusion, some of the

jobs

Use synonyms

need to be more highly paid than popular stars, because their role of responsibility is higher than those of

entertainers

Use synonyms

such

Linking Words

doctors

Use synonyms

teachers

Use synonyms

, and policemen.

Submitted by ulziiko81 on Tue Jun 21 2022

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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10
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
7
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 7.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

7.5

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

339 words

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Some people feel that entertainers (e.g. stars, pop musicians or sports stars) are paid too much money. Do you agree or disagree? Which other types of job should be highly paid?To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? (IELTS 2, AC)

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

More and more people are opting for ready-made food instead of freshly cooked food. Do this development has more advantages over disadvantages.

In many countries, a financial crime involving identity theft is increasing. What are the causes of this trend, and what effects does it identity theft has on the victims involved?

Many people try to achieve success through their career or education. What can success mean to different people? What is your view of success?

In their advertising, businesses nowadays usually empahsise that their products are new in some way. Why is this? Do you think it is a positive or negative development?