Some people think that outdoor activities are more beneficial for children’s development than playing computer games. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #activities #children’s #development #computer #games

Some groups of society think that it is beneficial for

children

’s development thought have outdoor

activities

rather than playing computer games. I agree with

this

statement with my explanations below as well as providing examples to support my views. To commence with, it is obvious that

children

can learn self-discipline and interaction with people when they join in group

activities

with other

kids

of different ages.

Therefore

children

can learn how to follow rules and respect other

kids

. Discipline and respectfulness are the most important elements for

children

to cooperate with people in different roles and ages, which help them to become successful people in the future. What is more, some researchers found that the intelligence of

kids

who always play outdoor

activities

is higher than

kids

who always stay at home to play computer games.

Secondly

, playing outdoor

activities

improve

children

’s mental and physical health as well. Without enough interaction and connection with friends,

children

feel much more pressure because they cannot release their stress.

Also

, there is no doubt to deny that having sufficient exercise would have a great improvement of

children

’s physical health.

For instance

, the Hong Kong government encourages

children

should have 30 minutes in having outdoor exercise every day.

Children

having enough outdoor

activities

would decrease the risk of suffering from obsesses, high blood pressure, and cancer. In conclusion, I put more weight on

children

having outdoor

activities

instead

of playing computer games. It is beneficial for

children

’s development in both physical and mental health.

As a result

, it is suggested that the government promote some outdoor

activities

in school to create an atmosphere to encourage students to participate in outdoor

activities

Submitted by sarasasa19 on Wed Jun 22 2022

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Fully explain your ideas

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Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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7Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

277 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 9.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 7.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 9.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.5

Complete response

6.5

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

Physical development
Overall health
Coordination
Foster
Social skills
Teamwork
Mental well-being
Creativity
Exploration
Strategic thinking
Problem-solving
Hand-eye coordination
Sedentary lifestyles
Social isolation
Moderation
Balanced approach
Detract
Obesity
Poor posture

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Some people think that outdoor activities are more beneficial for children’s development than playing computer games. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Fully explain your ideas

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