IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Childhood obesity is becoming a serious problem in many countries. What are the reasons and solutions of this?

#childhood #obesity #countries
Obesity amongst
children
 has been a mounting concern for many countries. While it has various complex causes, I can propose several feasible methods
in
Change preposition
for
show examples
 tackling it.  Childhood obesity is caused by a combination of factors. Primarily, because of
current
Correct article usage
the current
show examples
 sedentary lifestyle, people, as well as their
children
, spend their time watching television, playing video games and checking messages, all of which deprive them of physical activity.
Children
also
 commute to school by different means of transportation as opposed to walking on foot.
Moreover
, as fast food products are cheap and easily available,
children
 tend to eat them more than healthy foods, thereby accumulating more weight due to chemical additives.
Thus
, these core reasons should not be overlooked.  
Nevertheless
, the issue can be dealt with.
Firstly
, parents should be held responsible to encourage their
children
 to do regular exercise and walk to school.
Children
 should be given consuming passion to have
athletic
Add an article
an athletic
show examples
 build and to increase their longevity so that they can confront any health problems, including obesity. Another viable solution would be to strictly prohibit the sales of fast food and
such
 kind of detrimental products
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 the youth. Alternatively, the government should step in to make healthy foods affordable and
Correct your spelling
accessible
accessable
Correct your spelling
accessible
 near the schools. Clearly, these approaches are logical and reasonable. In conclusion, the main reasons why increasingly more
children
 are getting overweight are linked to inactivity and fast food consumption.
Nonetheless
, by paralysing these key factors, the problem can be resolved, I think.
Submitted by adedayoadesewa1 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Dietary habits
  • Sedentary lifestyle
  • Processed foods
  • Socioeconomic status
  • Nutritional education
  • Obesity epidemic
  • Preventative measures
  • Health policies
  • Urban planning
  • Caloric intake
  • Metabolic health
  • Screen time
  • Physical activity
  • Junk food
  • Food desert
  • Body mass index (BMI)
  • Portion control
  • Mindful eating
  • Lifestyle diseases
What to do next:
Look at other essays: