IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

You should spend about 40 minutes on this task. One of the consequences of improved medical care is that people are living longer and life expectancy is increasing. Do you think the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#minutes #consequences #care #people #life #expectancy #development
Our
country
's medical
care
 system has advanced significantly in recent years, which has resulted in the extension of our
people
's lives and an increase in
life
 expectancy.In my experience, the benefits of
this
 development outweigh the drawbacks.
First
, my
country
 is a developing
country
 and we need a lot of productive resources, including
people
 and equipment.
People
 now are living longer, resulting in more workers, more doctors, and more teachers,
therefore
, our
country
 produces more goods.
For example
, our
country
's population was around 50
million
, with 30
million
people
 of work age, and our total GDP was only 10 billion US dollars in 2000 ,while Our total GDP increased to $50 billion US dollars
last
 year, as our population increased to 110
million
 with 80
million
 workers in
last
 year .
Then
, I see many great
people
 now living longer lives, and they are contributing every hour to improving our community. In the past, many great men died young because of undeveloped medical
care
. Now, the development of medical
care
 results in a higher chance for our leaders, our professors, or our CEO to live longer.
Last
, it's our family
life
. Parents, grandparents, our lovers, or our children are going to live longer with us. While
life
 has you, you still have your big family beside you. While
life
 rewards you, you have your family to share with you.
Life
 is our gift, and our medical system protects our gift well. Inclusion I thank you for the development of medical
care
, which resulted in not only the increase of our workers' resources, the lifetime of our presidents, professors, and CEOs but
also
 the lifetime of my relatives and my friends.
Submitted by ntlanh92 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: