The Growing Number Of Overweight People Is Putting A Strain On The Health Care System In An Effort To Deal With The Health Issues Involved. Some People Think That The Best Way To Deal With This Problem Is To Introduce More Physical Education lessons in the school curriculum.To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #strain #health #care #system #effort #education #lessons #school #curriculum

While the number of obese people is increasing dramatically, the

health

care system is suffering to find the ideal method to tackle

this

problem. It is thought by individuals the perfect method to address

this

issue is through corporating more sports

subject

Fix the agreement mistake

subjects

show examples

during

high

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the high

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school stage. I completely agree with

this

technique because in it would help children to be more familiar with

health

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concepts

conepts

Correct your spelling

concepts

also

Correct word choice

and also

show examples

will reflect good

impacts

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impact

show examples

Change preposition

show examples

mental

health

First

of all the

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apply

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regular

excercices

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exercise

exercises

is playing a vital role in children's lifestyle,

therefore

, sport concept should be taught more and more by all educational institutions to make sure that students will be able to find their future interests in the

sport

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sports

show examples

field.

For example

, students who followed their

sport

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sports

show examples

desirs

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desires

from the

first

educational stage are still doing these

excercise

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exercises

exercise

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regularly

regularely

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regularly

beside

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besides

show examples

their work or study.

Consequently

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,Consequently

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the number of

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overweights

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over weights

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overweights

show examples

will

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decrease

dereace

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decrease

Change preposition

over

show examples

time.

Secondly

, having more

Correct your spelling

exercises

excercises

Correct your spelling

exercises

in school would be beneficial for maintaining the mental

health

and improving the ability

of memorising

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to memorise

show examples

For instance

, according to most psychologists, the

the

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apply

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size of the brain for

athelits

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athletes

athlete

athletics

is bigger than other's

brain

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brains

show examples

In addition

, doing regular

excercieses

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exercises

exercise

play a vital role in memorising. to

concludev

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conclude

concluded

Submitted by maryam.shacker on Thu Jun 23 2022

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Fully explain your ideas

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Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

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9Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
30Grammar mistakes
 

6 paragraphs

203 words

<4

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

obesity rates
health care system
physical education
instill
long term
raise awareness
healthier lifestyle choices
nutritional education
active transport
quality of instruction
facilities and equipment
diet control initiatives
community sports programs

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