IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

The government should control the Internet to reduce cyber-crime and ensure safety of users. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#government #control #internet #cyber-crime #safety #users
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The advent of the internet has shown
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 propagation of online hijacking in recent times. The administrative authorities of a nation should reinforce stringent cyberspace regulations to improve web security and diminish
its
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
crimes.
This
Linking Words
 discourse will expatiate credible points on why I strongly believe the law should impose control regulations to curb the effects of cyber insecurity. A primary reason why I believe the governing bodies should control information highway usage is to mitigate the effect of online hacking.
In other words
Linking Words
, when people are connected to the net, there are a plethora of fraudulent websites which demand their personal credit card details.
Moreover
Linking Words
, these websites lure users to disclose sensitive information because of the promise of winning huge sums of money.
For instance
Linking Words
, a report published by the Cameroon
post
Capitalize word
Post
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 newspaper depicts 85% of Cameroonians who were victims of
such
Linking Words
 online network scamming.
Therefore
Linking Words
, the power should to a greater extent implement measures that would override
such
Linking Words
 fraudulent online activities.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, children are vulnerable to
violence
Use synonyms
 and pornography if the state does not control the contents which are made available to them. To elucidate
further
Linking Words
, some information portrayed online should be scrutinised to protect kids from accessing them. Some of these websites depict
violence
Use synonyms
 which has a detrimental impact on the development of children. A good illustration can be seen by the Canadian rule that had to impose sanctions on a gaming website that showed games like "
the grand theft
Correct your spelling
The Grand Theft
show examples
" which derailed teenagers to becoming irresponsible citizens of the nation.
Hence
Linking Words
, implementing strict internet regulations goes a long way to curbing domestic
violence
Use synonyms
 which might become a threat to national security. In conclusion, I vehemently agree with the fact that
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 should regulate hyperspace usage in order to hinder online
frauds
Fix the agreement mistake
fraud
show examples
 to diminish the propagation of domestic
violence
Use synonyms
.

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task response
Ensure that each paragraph directly relates to the topic and supports the main argument. Consider providing more specific and varied examples to strengthen your points.
coherence and cohesion
Maintain a clear structure with cohesive paragraphs that flow logically from one to the next. Use transition words to indicate connections between ideas more explicitly.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • preventative measure
  • cybersecurity protocols
  • hacking
  • identity theft
  • online scams
  • sensitive information
  • critical infrastructure
  • privacy
  • freedom of expression
  • government overreach
  • censorship
  • international cooperation
  • jurisdiction
  • innovation
  • digital economy
  • public education campaigns
  • legislation
  • private tech companies
  • government surveillance
  • civil liberties
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