IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

In their advertising, business nowadays usually emphasize that their products are new in some way. Why is this? Do you think it is a positive or negative development.

#business #products #development
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Most of the products include a large proportion of
sugar
Use synonyms
, which has side effects
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
human’s
Change noun form
human
show examples
 health and
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
the
price
Use synonyms
 should be raised in order to encourage
people
Use synonyms
 to eat a lesser amount of
sugar
Use synonyms
. I don’t agree
to
Change preposition
with
show examples
this
Linking Words
 statement.
First
Linking Words
 of all, we can’t deny the fact that a large quantity of
sugar
Use synonyms
 has a bad impact on the health of
people
Use synonyms
 but making it not affordable is a bad idea. Why is it so? It is because
sugar
Use synonyms
 is an essential component for
people
Use synonyms
 and not everyone has a bad lifestyle. In spite of adjusting the cost, making knowledge presentations about it and teaching how to eat properly should be a better way to help
people
Use synonyms
 stay hygienic without taking any side effects. Rather than pricing up, making replacements
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
sugar
Use synonyms
 would be a better way of solving
this
Linking Words
 problem. Today, there are special substitutes for the ones who have diabetes which have less amount of
sugar
Use synonyms
 but have the same taste
like
Change preposition
as
show examples
 a normal one. Lowering the
price
Use synonyms
 of artificial ones and making sure that they are safe will attract more
people
Use synonyms
 to use them
instead
Linking Words
 of the original one which has a large quantity of sweetness. Not only that, we can encourage the
Use synonyms
Add a hyphen
sugar-producing
show examples
sugar producing
Add a hyphen
sugar-producing
show examples
 companies to start manufacturing
sugar
Use synonyms
 substitutes
instead
Linking Words
 of their normal products. To conclude, consuming too much
sugar
Use synonyms
 is not good for our health but making it unaffordable is not society friendly. Regardless of expensing the
price
Use synonyms
, giving
people
Use synonyms
 knowledge about eating
sugar
Use synonyms
 properly, making sure that substitutes are safe and producing more
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the artificial ones would create a better environment.
Thus
Linking Words
, I cannot agree with the statement that says we should
price
Use synonyms
 up the
sugar
Use synonyms
 to help
people
Use synonyms
 take in less
sugar
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by tr.zarwaihnin on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: