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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Most of the world’s problems are caused by overpopulation. Do you agree or disagree.

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In
this
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 day in the contemporary era,
the
Correct article usage
apply
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 nature is experiencing
such
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 a challenging moment that
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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is affecting the sustainability and running of the day-to-day activities.Most
Use synonyms
community
Change to a plural noun
communities
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 consider overpopulation as the main cause of
earth
Change noun form
earth's
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 problems.From my point of view,I completely agree that there are too many
crowd
Change to a plural noun
crowds
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 on the planet to sustain and
i
Change the capitalization
I
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 believe
also
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 that
overconsumption
Use synonyms
 pray a huge role in
the worlds problems
Change to a genitive case
the world's problems
the problems of the world
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First
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 and foremost,too many
family
Change to a plural noun
families
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 on the planet are
such
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huge
Correct article usage
a huge
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 burden because it is difficult to sustain,some of the needs they require
go
Add the particle
to go
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 by the number in the
community
Use synonyms
.
Correct your spelling
In addition
Inaddition
Correct your spelling
In addition
,when there is a huge number of folk ,it means most of the activities offered in the
community
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 are not quality since there is much to offer.
For example
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,
a
Remove the article
apply
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 research by the University of Nairobi depicts that 90% of cities are crowded.There is a total decline of spaces for accommodating
population
Correct article usage
the population
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.
Therefore
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,the huge burden the globe is experiencing is stuffed so with good support and planning the matter can quickly be solved.
Secondly
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,another fundamental issue which is in the top gear is
overconsumption
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.Resource use has outpaced the sustainable capacity of the ecosystem,and the policy that stands to protect against overuse is no longer working.
However
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, with
this
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 indication,the need of the
community
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 will not be achievable due to the imbalance.
For example
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,
a
Correct article usage
apply
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 research done by Kenyatta University depicts that
overconsumption
Use synonyms
 matter is
of
Change preposition
apply
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70%
in
Change preposition
of
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 causing global troubles.
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Furthermore
Add a comma
,Furthermore
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 lawmakers are becoming greedy
such
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 that they have no priority of matter to be attended to
first
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.
Therefore
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,overutilization of resources has caused an imbalance in a whole planet To sum up,there is a huge number to sustain in the whole sphere
such
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 that service delivery is affected in terms of quality.
However
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,it is imperative to note that apart from the aforementioned drawback,
overconsumption
Use synonyms
also
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 affects the world.

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