IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

#children #hours #smartphones #case #development
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Smartphones
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 and other technological gadgets today are considered to be a huge threat to
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children
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children's
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 cognitive and physical development by many people, as prolonged
exposure
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 can lead to addiction and other adverse psychological effects.
Smartphones
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 can provide
children
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an
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with an
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 altered reality with numerous attractions and games,
as a result
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,
children
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 consume
huge
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a huge
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 amount of
screen
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time
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. In
this
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 essay I will discuss the benefits and drawbacks of
this
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 issue, I believe that
screen
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time
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 should be
absouletely
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absolutely
 limited as prolonged
exposure
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 will be only detrimental to young ones. Today, most of our daily activities and
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work-related
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work related
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work-related
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 earrings are related to
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smartphones
Fix the agreement mistake
smartphone
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 use,
such
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 as
,
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apply
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 quick
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responses
responces
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responses
 to important emails or attending meetings remotely.
Understandibly
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Understandably
, early
exposure
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 to
such
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 devices can promote faster learning for
such
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 a
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lifestyle
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life style
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lifestyle
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.
Also
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,
smartphones
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 provide a rich and
user friendly
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user-friendly
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 source of information to users,
such
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 as educational videos for
children
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 streamed over Youtube.
On the other hand
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,
excessive
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the excessive
an excessive
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screen
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on
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apply
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time
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 for
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children
chidlren
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children
 leads to less
time
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 spent on physical activities or other extracurricular events,
thus
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 leading to obesity and other related health disorders.
In addition
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,
children
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 using
smartphones
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 for long hours have lesser social interactions with their peers,
consequently
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 causing poor communication skills development and lesser chances to develop friendships. Unsurprisingly,
researches
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research
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 showed
direct
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a direct
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 correlation between depression and loneliness among
children
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 spending too many hours on computers and
smartphones
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. In conclusion, I believe that prolonged
exposure
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 to
smartphones
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 is harmful to
children
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, causing physical and psychological disorders
such
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 as obesity,addiction and poor communication skills. But controlled and strictly limited
screen
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time
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 is sometimes recommended for educational use.
Submitted by nadeem.hb on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • smartphones
  • usage
  • technology
  • accessibility
  • convenience
  • entertainment
  • gaming
  • social media
  • communication
  • educational resources
  • addiction
  • dependence
  • negative effects
  • physical health
  • mental health
What to do next:
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