IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Serious violent crimes among people who are under 18 are becoming common. Some people think that children who commit serious crimes should be treated like adults, while others would say that they should be rehabilitated.

#crimes #people #children #adults
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The severe
Correct article usage
Severe
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crimes
Use synonyms
 among
the
Correct article usage
apply
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individuals whose ages are under 18
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
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are relatively common these days. Some would argue that those
children
Use synonyms
 who commit
the
Correct article usage
apply
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serious cases should be judged as mature,
while
Linking Words
 others say that they are required for rehabilitation.
Although
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 they should only get rehabilitated, I believe that treating them the
way
Use synonyms
 adults are treated would be an effective
way
Use synonyms
for nipping
Change preposition
to nip
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in
Correct pronoun usage
them in
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 the bud for others. On the one hand,
the
Correct article usage
apply
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under-18 teenagers should be rehabilitated when they
do
Verb problem
commit
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 a serious crime. The vast majority of
the
Correct article usage
apply
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immature
people
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 tend to
do
Verb problem
make
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 mistakes because they are not careful enough or not aware
Change preposition
of the
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the a
Choose an article
the
a
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 consequence of their actions. In
this
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case
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, committing
crimes
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 with
the
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apply
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low life experience,
therefore
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, they should be fixed in the rehabilitation centre to get a second chance.
For example
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, in Thailand, the committed
crimes
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of
Change preposition
apply
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children
Use synonyms
 are taught a great attitude towards their lives, unlearned
the
Correct article usage
apply
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inappropriate behaviours, and
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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learn how to live in the community properly.
However
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,
i
Change the capitalization
I
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 believe that
this
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 is not an intensive method
enough
Rephrase
apply
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because there is a high rate of
children
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that
Correct pronoun usage
who
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 are likely to behave the same once they leave the centre.
On the other hand
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, being treated like an adult
case
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 is an effective
way
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 to teach them the worth of their and other
people
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's lives,
moreover
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, is a warning example for
the
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apply
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others.
By going
Change preposition
Going
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 to jail, following the regulations, and learning how to behave intensively would make them consider the next
case
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 commitment. And that can be a good
way
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 to illustrate
for
Change preposition
to
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 other
children
Use synonyms
 not to commit any
crimes
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 or harm.
For example
Linking Words
, in the USA, a kid who
did
Verb problem
committed committed
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crimes
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 ended up behind
the
Correct article usage
apply
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bar
Fix the agreement mistake
bars
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 and it was
such
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 a viral
case
Use synonyms
making
Wrong verb form
that it made
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 teen
people
Use synonyms
be
Unnecessary verb
apply
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more conscious of their actions. and I believe that
this
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 is a preferable
way
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, not only to punish for what they do but to be a precaution for the same generation. In conclusion,
although
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 rehabilitation for the
children
Use synonyms
 who commit the crime gives them
the
Correct article usage
a
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 second chance, being punished in the same
way
Use synonyms
 as adults could make them and other
people
Use synonyms
 learn from it as well.
Submitted by netchanokmalison on

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Structure your answers in logical paragraphs

The easiest way to score well on the IELTS Task 2 writing portion is to structure your writing in a solid essay format.

A strong argument essay structure can be split up into 4 paragraphs, each containing 4 sentences (except the conclusion paragraph, which only contains 3 sentences).

Stick to this essay structure:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

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