Serious violent crimes among people who are under 18 are becoming common. Some people think that children who commit serious crimes should be treated like adults, while others would say that they should be rehabilitated.
The severe
Correct article usage
Severe
crimes
among the
individuals whose ages are under 18 Correct article usage
apply
are
are relatively common these days. Some would argue that those Unnecessary verb
apply
children
who commit the
serious cases should be judged as mature, Correct article usage
apply
while
others say that they are required for rehabilitation. Although
they should only get rehabilitated, I believe that treating them the way
adults are treated would be an effective way
for nipping
Change preposition
to nip
in
the bud for others. On the one hand, Correct pronoun usage
them in
the
under-18 teenagers should be rehabilitated when they Correct article usage
apply
do
a serious crime. The vast majority of Verb problem
commit
the
immature Correct article usage
apply
people
tend to do
mistakes because they are not careful enough or not aware Verb problem
make
Change preposition
of the
the a
consequence of their actions. In Choose an article
the
a
this
case
, committing crimes
with the
low life experience, Correct article usage
apply
therefore
, they should be fixed in the rehabilitation centre to get a second chance. For example
, in Thailand, the committed crimes
of
Change preposition
apply
children
are taught a great attitude towards their lives, unlearned the
inappropriate behaviours, and Correct article usage
apply
they
learn how to live in the community properly. Correct pronoun usage
apply
However
, i
believe that Change the capitalization
I
this
is not an intensive method enough
because there is a high rate of Rephrase
apply
children
that
are likely to behave the same once they leave the centre. Correct pronoun usage
who
On the other hand
, being treated like an adult case
is an effective way
to teach them the worth of their and other people
's lives, moreover
, is a warning example for the
others. Correct article usage
apply
By going
to jail, following the regulations, and learning how to behave intensively would make them consider the next Change preposition
Going
case
commitment. And that can be a good way
to illustrate for
other Change preposition
to
children
not to commit any crimes
or harm. For example
, in the USA, a kid who did
Verb problem
committed committed
crimes
ended up behind the
Correct article usage
apply
bar
and it was Fix the agreement mistake
bars
such
a viral case
making
teen Wrong verb form
that it made
people
be
more conscious of their actions. and I believe that Unnecessary verb
apply
this
is a preferable way
, not only to punish for what they do but to be a precaution for the same generation. In conclusion, although
rehabilitation for the children
who commit the crime gives them the
second chance, being punished in the same Correct article usage
a
way
as adults could make them and other people
learn from it as well.Submitted by netchanokmalison on
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Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
The easiest way to score well on the IELTS Task 2 writing portion is to structure your writing in a solid essay format.
A strong argument essay structure can be split up into 4 paragraphs, each containing 4 sentences (except the conclusion paragraph, which only contains 3 sentences).
Stick to this essay structure:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion