IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 2.5

Some people think that a sence of competition in children should be encouraged. Others believe that children who are taught to co-operate rather than compete become more useful adults. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#people #sence #competition #children #co-operate #adults
The idea of competing should be motivated among
children
. A group of people believe in
this
 theory while others
not
Add a missing verb
do not
show examples
. The opposing team believe that interpersonal collaboration is better than
compiting
Correct your spelling
competing
 in their future. In
this
 essay let's discuss both the case and come to a conclusion. Once the
children
 are built with the idea of
compiting
Correct your spelling
competing
 they will de very much dedicated to their work and always focus on their win. They must hard work to
defeate
Correct your spelling
defeat
 the opposing person
in
Correct your spelling
is
show examples
 somehow way. That will
Correct your spelling
definitely
defenetely
Correct your spelling
definitely
 increase the child's
Correct your spelling
potential
pottential
Correct your spelling
potential
 to
Correct your spelling
achieve
acheive
Correct your spelling
achieve
Correct your spelling
something
show examples
some thing
Correct your spelling
something
show examples
.
For
example
Add a comma
,example
show examples
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
children
 are motivated
while
Correct word choice
when
show examples
 they are
Correct your spelling
compared
compaired
Correct your spelling
compared
 with their school by their teachers or parents.
On the other
hand
Add a comma
,hand
show examples
 a
compatative
Correct your spelling
competitive
comparative
 mind will be always away from moral thoughts. They will do whatever things for their
winning
Replace the word
win
show examples
 without considering
others
Change noun form
others'
other's
show examples
 feeling or even any moral values. It could lead to a society without emotions or attachments . The real value of life
get
Change the verb form
gets
show examples
 ruined
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
somewhere there. To
sumup
Correct your spelling
sum up
,
although
 there are several factors that may come up with the topic, in my opinion,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 believe that
Correct your spelling
competitive
comparative
compatative
Correct article usage
a compatative
show examples
 way of encouraging
children
 can
leads
Change the verb form
lead
show examples
 to very complicated problems in
future
Add an article
a future
show examples
 life by even developing criminal mind in them.
Submitted by Amruthavt97 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: