IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

Some people believe that unpaid community service should be a compulsory part of high school Program (for example working for a charity, Improving the neighborhood or teaching sports to younger children. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #community #service #part #school #program #charity #neighborhood #sports #children
Nowadays, electronic technologies became part of routine life, but influence badly personal relationships between
people
 who use them. To my mind, I totally agree with
this
 state, and the support reasons are: the
internet
 transforms the
real-life
Correct your spelling
real life
show examples
 into an online one and it using leads that
people
 to become addicted
on
Change preposition
to
show examples
 it.
First
 of all, the use of electronic media keeps
people
 online most of the
time
.
Although
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 it makes it easier to communicate with friends, relatives and with every person we want,
thus
this
 causes a negative effect on relations and friendships in a way that limits physical connection, feelings and emotions.
For example
, a couple can be together online for a long
time
 but when they meet in real, they feel different and soon break up.
This
 is happening because the
internet
 is showing an imaginary person, without all the character figures.
Second
 of all, browsing networking web pages requires a lot of attention from the users.
Moreover
,
this
 makes them dependent on it. Even Though the use of electronic and digital devices become an essential necessity these days, likely electricity, water, and so on,
hence
 it conducts you to live an abstract and fake life most of the
time
.
For instance
, the
internet
 leads to circumstances where the
time
 is wasted by partners being all-
time
 online
instead
Add the preposition
ofinstead
show examples
 spending quality
time
 together and building memories.
That is
 why the
internet
 has a bad impact on
people
’s relations. In conclusion, I strongly believe that using regularly electronic items effect in a negative way all ages
people
 in their relations.
Submitted by avoalbu on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: