Most people agree that money cannot buy happiness. Do you think people can be happy without money? What other factors contribute toward happiness?

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The public believes that happiness can not be earned with cash. In my opinion, funding is important to fulfil basic needs, not for joy.

On the other hand

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, there are aspects that impact human happiness

such

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as family and job satisfaction.

To begin

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, I believe that society needs to survive

thus

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they must support daily needs.

For example

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, humans must eat and drink

otherwise

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they will die.

In addition

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, they need to cover their bodies with a cloth

as well as

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need shelter to live.

Hence

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, salary is used to pay for basic needs in order to live through.

It is clear that

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money is not for buying happiness.

Therefore

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, there are aspects that provide peace of mind in life like family and jobs.

Firstly

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, when the community

live

Replace the word

lives

show examples

surrounded by

people

Use synonyms

who love they would be happy.

For instance

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, having a family would boost

people

Use synonyms

's confidence.

Secondly

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, having a good job

also

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improves heart mood.

In other words

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, by having that they could stay longer to work with a company and reach their highest potential.

For example

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, working with a nice boss would be comfy and make

people

Use synonyms

more productive.

Finally

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, those factors are influencing

people

Use synonyms

significantly to attain prosperity.

To sum up

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, most societies agree that cash is not for buying joy. I agree that money is needed for daily needs and not for life satisfaction. Society would reach delight with other factors like having

family

Correct article usage

a family

show examples

and a satisfying job. If all communities want to live with these standards the world would be a better place.

Submitted by vivirantung on Sun Jun 26 2022

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coherence cohesion

Ensure clear paragraphing with a distinct introduction, body, and conclusion to improve logical structure.

task achievement

Expand on main points to ground arguments more substantially, using wider-ranging examples and explanations.

coherence cohesion

The conclusion adequately summarizes the essay but could be enhanced by reflecting more deeply on the implications of your arguments.

task achievement

Consider using more varied sentence structures to convey ideas more precisely and enhance readability.

18
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 7.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 7.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

258 words

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Most people agree that money cannot buy happiness. Do you think people can be happy without money? What other factors contribute toward happiness?

It is sad that life is becoming increasingly stressful for most people. What is the reason of this phenomenon and how could this problem be solved?

Some people think young people should be required to have full time education until they are at least 18 years old. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some people think it is more important to spend money on roads and motorways than on public transport systems such as railways and trams. To what extent do you agree or disagee?

45.Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

Some people say that advertising is extremely successful at persuading us to buy things. Other people think that advertising is so common that we no longer pay attention to it. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.