Most people agree that money cannot buy happiness. Do you think people can be happy without money? What other factors contribute toward happiness?

#people #money #happiness #factors

The public believes that happiness can not be earned with cash. In my opinion, funding is important to fulfil basic needs, not for joy.

On the other hand

, there are aspects that impact human happiness

such

as family and job satisfaction.

To begin

, I believe that society needs to survive

thus

they must support daily needs.

For example

, humans must eat and drink

otherwise

they will die.

In addition

, they need to cover their bodies with a cloth

as well as

need shelter to live.

Hence

, salary is used to pay for basic needs in order to live through.

It is clear that

money is not for buying happiness.

Therefore

, there are aspects that provide peace of mind in life like family and jobs.

Firstly

, when the community

live

Replace the word

lives

show examples

surrounded by

people

who love they would be happy.

For instance

, having a family would boost

people

's confidence.

Secondly

, having a good job

also

improves heart mood.

In other words

, by having that they could stay longer to work with a company and reach their highest potential.

For example

, working with a nice boss would be comfy and make

people

more productive.

Finally

, those factors are influencing

people

significantly to attain prosperity.

To sum up

, most societies agree that cash is not for buying joy. I agree that money is needed for daily needs and not for life satisfaction. Society would reach delight with other factors like having

family

Correct article usage

a family

show examples

and a satisfying job. If all communities want to live with these standards the world would be a better place.

Submitted by vivirantung on Sun Jun 26 2022

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coherence cohesion

Ensure clear paragraphing with a distinct introduction, body, and conclusion to improve logical structure.

task achievement

Expand on main points to ground arguments more substantially, using wider-ranging examples and explanations.

coherence cohesion

The conclusion adequately summarizes the essay but could be enhanced by reflecting more deeply on the implications of your arguments.

task achievement

Consider using more varied sentence structures to convey ideas more precisely and enhance readability.

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18Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

258 words

6.50

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 7.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 7.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Most people agree that money cannot buy happiness. Do you think people can be happy without money? What other factors contribute toward happiness?

Some people believe that professionals, such as doctors and engineers, should be required to work in the country where they did their training) Others believe they should be free to work in another country if they wish. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion

despite huge improvements in healthcare , the overall standard of physical health in many developed countries is now failing what could be the reason for this trend and what can be done to reserve it.

In some countries, owning a home rather than renting one is very important for people. Why might this be the case? Do you think this is a positive or negative situation?

Summarise the information about the process of making carbonated drinks by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.