Government needs to spend money to encourage the development of sport and art for school students, rather than to support professional sports and art events. Do you agree or disagree?

#government #money #development #sport #art #school #students #support #sports #events

this

contemporary era, the activities of sport and

art

flourishing

Wrong verb form

flourish

show examples

by leaps and bounds. It is generally believed that authorities should not waste money on professional players

as well as

art

events,

this

is used to motivate school students, so they can expand their interest in

such

activities. I completely agree with the given statement for two main reasons which are discussed in the

further

essay.

To begin

with, for

children

Add a comma

children,

show examples

these things play an essential role in their health.

Although

a group of people argue that

government

Correct article usage

the government

show examples

should support professional sportsmen because they play for the nation and their victory is beneficial for the country's credit, I vividly believe children are the future of every country. If they are encouraged for

this

then

their fitness level will increase.

For the

Correct word choice

The

show examples

government should organise some physical games, which are famous among children and to inspire them there should be an award ceremony for the winners, which motivates them to get involved in

this

Furthermore

, artistic stuff is

also

a vital part for students, who like things,

such

as painting, crafts and so on.

This

increases their creativity level and encourages their mind to think about extraordinary things. In earlier times,

art

was not famous in society,

thus

people Who were interested in it had to do hard work.

However

, today's scenario is totally different.

Besides

this

, they will not

get

Verb problem

show examples

disappointed that no one looks in their interest. In conclusion, encouraging students to develop their interest in sports and

art

is not only beneficial for their physical health but

also

increases their creativity level.

Submitted by Shivuhirpara08 on Sun Jun 26 2022

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response

Address the prompt more directly.

coherence and cohesion

Provide a clear structure and use linking words to improve coherence and cohesion.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Do you want to check your IELTS essays?

Submit unlimited essays, letters and charts. Sign up right now and start improving your writing skills.

12Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

265 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 5.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

🚀 Prepare for IELTS writing section today!

Unlimited Task 1 checks
Get all the feedback you need to keep improving your charts and letters.
Unlimited Task 2 checks
Practice and perfect your skills with essays.
Personalized suggestions
Know how to boost your score.
Detailed mistakes analysis
Get instant feedback. Spot every mistake.
Topic ideas generator
Get topic-specific ideas to enhance your writing.
Vocabulary helper
Get the right words for any topic.
Progress tracking
Track your writing improvements.

What to do next:

Look at other essays:

4.5
band
It is becoming more and more difficult to eacape the influence of the media on our lives. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of living in a media rich society.
In this modernize epoch,everyboday is connected by social websites so,it is extremely hard for them to get rid off from the charm of it.Widest use have some merits as well as demerits.In this essay,I will discuss both advantages and drawbacks with appropriate examples.
7
band
Some people believe that nowadays we have too many choices. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?
It is true that we are living in a modern era in which the phenomena of globalization have been more ubiquitous than ever before. It leads to a contemporary society that offers an endless abundance of choices. According to statistics, every day people have to face approximately 3000 options. That’s why the general populace has confidence in nowadays we have too many selections. From my perspective, I am on the same page with this statement. In this essay, I’m going to explain fully about the details.
6.5
band
Some people prefer to spend their lives doing the same things and avoiding the changes. Others, however think that changes is always a good thing. Discuss both the views and give your own opinion.
Staying in the comfort zone and not taking risks is some people's approach. While others are welcoming anything new. From my perspective, shifts in life make a significant contribution to success and certainly change people's lives in a good way.
8
band
Some people believe that children should spend all of their free time with their families. Others believe that this is unnecessary or even negative. Discuss the possible arguments on both sides, and say which side you personally support.
Many claim that a child is expected to allocate time exclusively to their families, but others disagree and think it will lead to adverse consequences. However, it is by no means necessary that children should spend the whole day with their parents, as we will see
6
band
As science and technology contribute most to the development of society, science students should get more financial support from government than students in other fields (eg. business, language, etc.). To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?
It is an irrefutable fact that science plays a vital role in developing a healthy society. To foster the development of communities, science students should be aided by the government and other social organisations. In this essay, I will argue that students from science backgrounds demand financial and logistic support to build an updated and financially developed nation however, students from other departments have also taken into account.

Government needs to spend money to encourage the development of sport and art for school students, rather than to support professional sports and art events. Do you agree or disagree?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

It is becoming more and more difficult to eacape the influence of the media on our lives. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of living in a media rich society.

Some people believe that nowadays we have too many choices. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

Some people prefer to spend their lives doing the same things and avoiding the changes. Others, however think that changes is always a good thing. Discuss both the views and give your own opinion.

Some people believe that children should spend all of their free time with their families. Others believe that this is unnecessary or even negative. Discuss the possible arguments on both sides, and say which side you personally support.

As science and technology contribute most to the development of society, science students should get more financial support from government than students in other fields (eg. business, language, etc.). To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?