Government needs to spend money to encourage the development of sport and art for school students, rather than to support professional sports and art events. Do you agree or disagree?

#government #money #development #sport #art #school #students #support #sports #events

this

contemporary era, the activities of sport and

art

flourishing

Wrong verb form

flourish

show examples

by leaps and bounds. It is generally believed that authorities should not waste money on professional players

as well as

art

events,

this

is used to motivate school students, so they can expand their interest in

such

activities. I completely agree with the given statement for two main reasons which are discussed in the

further

essay.

To begin

with, for

children

Add a comma

children,

show examples

these things play an essential role in their health.

Although

a group of people argue that

government

Correct article usage

the government

show examples

should support professional sportsmen because they play for the nation and their victory is beneficial for the country's credit, I vividly believe children are the future of every country. If they are encouraged for

this

then

their fitness level will increase.

For the

Correct word choice

The

show examples

government should organise some physical games, which are famous among children and to inspire them there should be an award ceremony for the winners, which motivates them to get involved in

this

Furthermore

, artistic stuff is

also

a vital part for students, who like things,

such

as painting, crafts and so on.

This

increases their creativity level and encourages their mind to think about extraordinary things. In earlier times,

art

was not famous in society,

thus

people Who were interested in it had to do hard work.

However

, today's scenario is totally different.

Besides

this

, they will not

get

Verb problem

show examples

disappointed that no one looks in their interest. In conclusion, encouraging students to develop their interest in sports and

art

is not only beneficial for their physical health but

also

increases their creativity level.

Submitted by Shivuhirpara08 on Sun Jun 26 2022

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task response

Address the prompt more directly.

coherence and cohesion

Provide a clear structure and use linking words to improve coherence and cohesion.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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12Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

265 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 5.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Government needs to spend money to encourage the development of sport and art for school students, rather than to support professional sports and art events. Do you agree or disagree?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Study shows that many criminals have a low level of education. For this reason, some people believe that the best way to reduce crime is to educate people in prison, so that they can get a job when they leave prison. Do you agree or disagree?

Some people think directors in big companies should get paid a lot, while others think that directors' high salaries are not fair. In this essay will be discussed both these sides and opinion

Some people think competitive sport is important for a child's education. Others think it has negative effects on children. Discuss both views and give your opiniion

Deforestation caused by human activity is happening in many parts of the world, with serious results for the environment. What do you think can be done to solve this problem? Support your opinion with reasons and examples from your own knowledge and experience.

Presently, the population of some countries includes a relatively large number of young adults, compared with the number of older people. Do the advantages of this situation outweigh the disadvantages?