IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

he diagrams show a museum and its surroundings in 1990 and 2010.

he diagrams show a museum and its surroundings in 1990 and 2010.
#diagrams #show #museum #surroundings
The bar graph illustrates the
number
 of
people
 who are suffering from four types of
noise
in
Change preposition
during
show examples
 the
day
 and at
night
 in the countryside.
It is clear that
 the
number
 of citizens who hear four types of sound
in
Change preposition
during
show examples
 the
day
 is by far more that at
night
.
Also
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
traffic
noise
 affects the most
number
 of
people
in
Change preposition
during
show examples
day
Add an article
a day
the day
show examples
 and at
night
.
Also
, There is not any industry sound pollution in rural areas. The
number
 of
people
 who are impacted by the
noise
 of
day
traffic
 is 34
million
 which is
most
Correct article usage
the most
show examples
.
While
, the figures for trains and
aircrafts
Correct your spelling
aircraft
show examples
 are significantly fewer ,with 8 and 2
million
 respectively. The
number
 of
people
 who hear the
noise
 of
traffic
 at
night
 is,
at
Change preposition
apply
show examples
24
million
 which is the most
one
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
in comparison with the train and aircraft which accounted for 6
million
 and 1
million
 respectively. The
diffrence
Correct your spelling
difference
 in the
number
 of
people
 who suffer from
noise
Add an article
the noise
show examples
 of
traffic
in
Change preposition
during
show examples
 the
day
 and at
night
 is
by
Change preposition
apply
show examples
10
million
.
However
,
this
 difference is marginal for the
the
Remove the redundancy
apply
show examples
train system by 2
million
. The
number
 of
people
 who hear the aircraft
noise
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 approximately equal during the
day
 and
might
Correct your spelling
night
show examples
.
Submitted by atoosa_1398 on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "also".
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words number, people, noise, day, night, traffic, million with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 7 times.
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