IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

he diagrams show a museum and its surroundings in 1990 and 2010.

he diagrams show a museum and its surroundings in 1990 and 2010.
#diagrams #show #museum #surroundings
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The bar graph illustrates the
number
Use synonyms
 of
people
Use synonyms
 who are suffering from four types of
noise
Use synonyms
in
Change preposition
during
show examples
 the
day
Use synonyms
 and at
night
Use synonyms
 in the countryside.
It is clear that
Linking Words
 the
number
Use synonyms
 of citizens who hear four types of sound
in
Change preposition
during
show examples
 the
day
Use synonyms
 is by far more that at
night
Use synonyms
.
Also
Linking Words
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
traffic
Use synonyms
noise
Use synonyms
 affects the most
number
Use synonyms
 of
people
Use synonyms
in
Change preposition
during
show examples
Use synonyms
day
Add an article
a day
the day
show examples
 and at
night
Use synonyms
.
Also
Linking Words
, There is not any industry sound pollution in rural areas. The
number
Use synonyms
 of
people
Use synonyms
 who are impacted by the
noise
Use synonyms
 of
day
Use synonyms
traffic
Use synonyms
 is 34
million
Use synonyms
 which is
most
Correct article usage
the most
show examples
.
While
Linking Words
, the figures for trains and
aircrafts
Correct your spelling
aircraft
show examples
 are significantly fewer ,with 8 and 2
million
Use synonyms
 respectively. The
number
Use synonyms
 of
people
Use synonyms
 who hear the
noise
Use synonyms
 of
traffic
Use synonyms
 at
night
Use synonyms
 is,
at
Change preposition
apply
show examples
24
million
Use synonyms
 which is the most
one
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
in comparison with the train and aircraft which accounted for 6
million
Use synonyms
 and 1
million
Use synonyms
 respectively. The
diffrence
Correct your spelling
difference
 in the
number
Use synonyms
 of
people
Use synonyms
 who suffer from
Use synonyms
noise
Add an article
the noise
show examples
 of
traffic
Use synonyms
in
Change preposition
during
show examples
 the
day
Use synonyms
 and at
night
Use synonyms
 is
by
Change preposition
apply
show examples
10
million
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 difference is marginal for the
the
Remove the redundancy
apply
show examples
train system by 2
million
Use synonyms
. The
number
Use synonyms
 of
people
Use synonyms
 who hear the aircraft
noise
Use synonyms
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 approximately equal during the
day
Use synonyms
 and
might
Correct your spelling
night
show examples
.
Submitted by atoosa_1398 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "also".
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words number, people, noise, day, night, traffic, million with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 7 times.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: