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Band 4

The scientist believe that computer will become intelligent than human beings. Some people find it is positive while others think it is a negative development. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#scientist #computer #beings #people #development
The computer will be more knowledgeable compared to the human brain
according to
 the researchers. A number of individuals see it as a welcoming event
while
 the rest are of
opinion
Correct article usage
the opinion
show examples
 that it is
adverse
Correct article usage
an adverse
show examples
 development.
However
, Artificial intelligence saves time and effort in managing and at times achieving
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
unbelievable tasks, though it poses
threat
Correct article usage
a threat
show examples
 to humanity if
become
Wrong verb form
becomes
show examples
 uncontrolled. Going to shed light on both sides of the issue and think it is critical for our existence that we remain, masters of a gadget.
To begin
 with, the use of super-computers has led to technological progress by hips and leaps from the internet to smartphones and cars to supersonic jet planes. Devices like robots
do
Verb problem
apply
show examples
work precisely and faster than individuals without tiring.
For instance
, the AI-based construction of a water reservoir at a height of 3000 metres pulls global attention toward China.
Furthermore
, self-driving cars becoming a routine in developed countries.
Additionally
, nano-technology aids a lot in health sciences in treating patients with cancer.
Hence
, laptops are
coming
Verb problem
becoming
show examples
as
Change preposition
apply
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a boon for society.
On the other hand
, they bring threats like viruses in-network and hacking websites of government and banking systems endangering the world and its economy. Illegal cloning and harvesting
organs
Change preposition
of organs
show examples
 is another trouble coming from the smart apparatus.
Moreover
, cyber crime becoming the biggest headache for law-enforcement authorities as at times they become clueless.
This
 means that bad operators can ruin the earth for their personal motives. super-sonic nuclear weapons can destroy the world in no time so, in the present era hardware is the most dangerous. In conclusion, as discussed above it is vital for mankind to stay ahead of those demons in the sense of knowledge and control of the technology
otherwise
, it will become a negative trend in the way hardware development progresses.
Submitted by mahesh029 on

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coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present but lack clarity and coherence. The main points are supported adequately, but the essay lacks logical structure.
task achievement
The response covers both views, but the discussion lacks depth and does not provide a clear conclusion. The relevant specific examples are provided but need to be further developed to support the arguments more effectively.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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