IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people think that schools should concentrate on academic courses which are useful to the career of students; courses like music and sports are not useful and therefore should not be offered. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

It is argued by some
people
Use synonyms
 that academic
subjects
Use synonyms
 should be focused on in school, and they think that extracurricular classes are not vital. I totally disagree with the statement because
sports
Use synonyms
 and
music
Use synonyms
 help in the development of overall required
skills
Use synonyms
, and it
also
Linking Words
 helps to make their career. Non-academic
subjects
Use synonyms
such
Linking Words
 as
music
Use synonyms
 and physical activities put ample
skills
Use synonyms
 in
children
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such
Linking Words
 as physical
skills
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, creative
skills
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 and social
skills
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 that are essential for the overall development of the
children
Use synonyms
. If
children
Use synonyms
 only focus on their academic
subjects
Use synonyms
such
Linking Words
 as math, and science, it will give rise to a sedentary lifestyle so as result physical
skills
Use synonyms
 will not be developed.
Moreover
Linking Words
, recreational activities make
children
Use synonyms
 more creative and can more socialize with
people
Use synonyms
.
For instance
Linking Words
, it has been found that
sports
Use synonyms
people
Use synonyms
 and artists are more creative, healthy and have more confidence in face-to-face conversation as compared to those who just concentrate on their studies. Another reason is that
sports
Use synonyms
 and
music
Use synonyms
 are equally important as academic
subjects
Use synonyms
is
Change the verb form
are
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 because many
people
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 make their careers as artists and sportsmen and earn abundant amounts of money. Some
children
Use synonyms
 only want to become singers, dancers or players and do not want to become scientists, doctors or engineers so if schools
also
Linking Words
 give importance to non-academic
subjects
Use synonyms
,
children
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 will have more career opportunities.
For example
Linking Words
, in an interview with times India, Harbhajan Singh, who is a famous Indian cricketer, told that he got many good opportunities to become a cricketer in school so now he is a millionaire. In conclusion, I disagree entirely that
music
Use synonyms
 and
sports
Use synonyms
 should be equally important as academic
subjects
Use synonyms
 because artistic and physical education encourage their overall development and it
also
Linking Words
 helps to build their career.

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Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • well-rounded education
  • holistic development
  • traditional academic courses
  • multiple intelligences
  • personal growth
  • professional athlete
  • music therapist
  • soft skills
  • teamwork
  • discipline
  • leadership
  • stress relief
  • mental health
  • cultural enrichment
  • global career
  • cognitive abilities
  • concentration
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