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Writing Samples
Band 6

Nowadays, an increasing number of people with helath problems are using alternative medicine and treatment instead of visitiong their normal doctor. Do you think this is a positive or negative development.

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In the
last
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 decades, the field of
medical
Replace the word
medicine
show examples
 has attracted in several ways and drawn the spotlight. Some
people
Use synonyms
 think if individuals feel tired, they should visit the doctors,
while
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 others think visiting the doctors is wasting of money and time.
This
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 essay will argue why
people
Use synonyms
 should take care of themself by went the doctor when they feel bad. First of all, nowadays the diseases rife around the world play a crucial role in the medical sector which makes many governments struggle to guide their citizen to go to hospitals.
For example
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, they put in the streets advertisements to guide
people
Use synonyms
 in avoiding alternative treatments.
Furthermore
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, some
people
Use synonyms
 who work under the table without any restriction
he does
Wrong verb form
do
show examples
 not have certificates .
For instance
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, many of them had criminal records and they avoid to appear in public.
In addition
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 to criminal
people
Use synonyms
 in
this
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 field, another factor that should be considered is the economy of the
healthcare
Use synonyms
 sector.
Moreover
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, the
healthcare
Use synonyms
 sector is an important field in society. To illustrate, if
people
Use synonyms
 do not go to hospitals, the crew of
healthcare
Use synonyms
 will struggle with survival. Meanwhile, many expert professors in hospitals provide better
healthcare
Use synonyms
 than alternative medical. Indeed,
this
Linking Words
 is a clear indication that patients need to visit a doctor in their life. In conclusion,
this
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 essay discussed that many
people
Use synonyms
 hold the view that going to doctors and avoiding alternative medicine is important to survival.
Overall
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,
it is clear that
Linking Words
 visiting the doctor has many advantages in the long term.

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coherence and cohesion
Ensure that ideas are presented in a clear and organized manner. For example, the transitions between ideas in your paragraphs could be smoother.
task achievement
Make sure to support your main points with specific examples that clearly illustrate your arguments.
coherence and cohesion
Consider expanding on the introduction and conclusion to better encapsulate the topic and your argument.
task achievement
The essay attempts to address the prompt by discussing both the necessity of visiting doctors and the drawbacks of alternative medicine.
task achievement
You have identified some key issues such as the importance of the healthcare sector and the risks of unregulated alternative treatments.
coherence and cohesion
The essay presents a basic structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, which helps the reader follow the argument.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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