IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Some people believe that studying at university or college is the best route to a successful career, while others believe that it is better to get a job straight after school.

#people #university #college #route #career #job #school
There are various different opinions on studying after high school. While some
people
 see that it is an
excellent
Add an article
an excellent
show examples
 alternative to getting an ideal
job
,
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
is an excellent alternative to getting an ideal
job
. There is a big gap between the college and
business
 so I personally believe that students need to
work
 after school due to multiple reasons.
To begin
 with, On the one hand, it could be understood that some are aware of the difficulty of
promotion
Add an article
the promotion
show examples
 for workers without bachelor's degrees because certificates are
initially
 required by recruiters.
Accordingly
, some
people
 could see that being on university graduate would be
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 safe way to get an ideal
job
, as evident
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the
labor
Change the spelling
labour
show examples
 market in 2021 in some Asian countries. There was around 30% of graduated students had their salary expectation after two years of
work
 experience.
Moreover
,
this
 activity significantly provides more of their major's knowledge which would be helpful in offices. In Vietnam, fortunately, over 38% of graduated learners
work
 on their right
business
 degrees.
Although
on the other hand
,
business
 experience after high school would help
people
 save time and reduce their personal economic burden. In many nations, college fees could be probably an
installment
Change the spelling
instalment
show examples
 debt for the rest of their life. It might be a serious problem in some risky situations
such
 as the Covid – 19 pandemic, recessions,
so
Correct word choice
and so
show examples
 on (you should not write like
this
 ... you can write "so on" unless they have enough time to
work
 and save in order to own their funds.
Besides
, they start
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
contributing
Change the form of the verb
contribute
show examples
 to their career based on their experiences
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 and the more experienced workers get,the higher position required.
For example
,
instead
 of graduating,
people
 could start to observe and learn from colleagues in the
business
 market and
then
 continue myriad projects during the
first
 2 years, followed by contributing their own projects and promote to a higher position in the
next
 2 years. Eventually, In conclusion, it is an unchallenged choice when
people
 could learn
further
 appreciate
knowledge
Add an article
the knowledge
show examples
 base in subjects. But I still firmly believe that
people
 deservedly to get the well-paid
job
 earlier while cutting down the fees.
Submitted by trangngo79 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Academic qualifications
  • Specialized skills
  • In-depth knowledge
  • Personal growth
  • Social development
  • Practical experience
  • Financial independence
  • Career progression
  • Professional networking
  • Education
  • Work experience
  • Successful career
  • Personal interests
  • Career goals
  • Decision-making process
What to do next:
Look at other essays: