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Writing Samples
Band 5

The graphs below show the number of visitors to two cities in a given year. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The graphs below show the number of visitors to two cities in a given year. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
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The
two
Use synonyms
 bar chart provides information on 2012 about the
number
Use synonyms
 of tourists who have enjoyed their time both in
Niagara
Use synonyms
 Falls dan
Seattle
Use synonyms
.
Overall
Linking Words
, the
number
Use synonyms
 of people that visited
Niagara
Use synonyms
 Falls was far bigger than in
Seattle
Use synonyms
. Summertime seems the best time to spend
due to
Linking Words
 the high
number
Use synonyms
 of
visitors
Use synonyms
 both in July and August for the
two
Use synonyms
 cities. Meanwhile, both
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
cities experienced the lowest
Use synonyms
visitors
Correct quantifier usage
number of visitors
show examples
 in January and February. Clearly, in the first six months, the trend to come into
two
Use synonyms
 cities shows an increasing trend until reached its peak in July and August.
Seattle
Use synonyms
 in its peak season had 2
million
Use synonyms
visitors
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
Niagara
Use synonyms
 Falls was
two
Use synonyms
 times bigger with 4
million
Use synonyms
visitors
Use synonyms
. After a growing trend, the drop movement was starting in September. For
Seattle
Use synonyms
, the city consistently fell from September to December and reached its bottom
approximately
Change preposition
at approximately
show examples
 0. 2
million
Use synonyms
 people. If
Seattle
Use synonyms
 experienced a drop in December, the lowest
number
Use synonyms
 that visited
Niagara
Use synonyms
 Falls occurred in October and November with 500 thousand tourists
while
Linking Words
 December jumped up to 2. 5
million
Use synonyms
 tourists.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Add more body paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words two, number, niagara, seattle, visitors, million with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "trend" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "drop" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "falls" was used 5 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "reached" was used 2 times.
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