IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

Some people believe that cultural traditions may be destroyed when they are used as money making attractions aimed at tourists. Others believe it is the only way to save these traditions. Discuss on both sides and give your opinion.

#people #traditions #money #attractions #tourists
There has been a controversy about whether traditional festivals should be linked with
money
. I think, on the
one
hand
,
money
 can help to preserve these
traditions
,
on the other
hand
, these
traditions
 are ruined by
money
. My reasons will be explained in the following paragraphs.
First
,
money
-making
attractions
 can promote the publicity of cultural
traditions
 to the
next
 level. Take
Christmas
 as an example. As we know, there are hundreds and thousands of activities that are targeted at
Christmas
,
such
 as
Christmas
 markets and
Christmas
 theme restaurants. Thanks to these
attractions
,
Christmas
 has become
one
 of the most famous festivals. It's worth mentioning,
even
Correct word choice
that even
show examples
 though
Christmas
 isn't a traditional festival in Chinese culture;
however
, on account of all sorts of commercial activities,
Christmas
 has become well-known in China too.
Second
,
money
-making
attractions
 can better preserve these
traditions
.
For instance
, the Japanese kimono is preserved well because it has become a
money
-making attraction. There are a large number of tourists that go to Japan every year, just want to try the genuine Japanese kimono; they can either rent
one
 or buy
one
. Due to its lucrative characteristic,
this
 kind of costume is well protected.
In addition
, the Japanese government has made a sizeable portion of
money
 from
this
 business.
On the other
hand
,
money
 has changed these
traditions
' characteristics.
For example
, Valentine's day is considered a traditional festival around the globe.
However
, due to the perceptible influence
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
exerted by capitalists,
this
 festival seems to be destroyed. Because all the things you know about Valentine's day are roses, expensive gifts and so on. In conclusion, on the
one
hand
,
money
-making
attractions
 can protect
traditions
;
on the other
hand
,
money
 can ruin their genuine attributes.
Submitted by junyiwu029 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Commodified
  • Authenticity
  • Cultural misunderstanding
  • Over-commercialization
  • Staged authenticity
  • Economic benefits
  • Cultural preservation
  • Cultural exchange
  • Cultural commodification
  • Tourist expectations
  • Financial support
  • Sustainable tourism
  • Intangible cultural heritage
What to do next:
Look at other essays: