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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

In order to be successful at a sport, some think you must be phusically strong while others believe mental strength is more important. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#sport #think #strength
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There is no denying the fact that professional people spend a lot of time and effort to succeed in a sport.
While
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 it is a commonly held belief that it is crucial to be physically tough to be professional, there is
also
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 an argument that believes mental
strength
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 is more significant. In my opinion, I believe that when it comes to sport both physical and mental
strength
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 are required.
To begin
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 with, physical skills must be enhanced and trained in
order
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 to become a professional athlete in any sport that you desire.
In other words
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, people must dedicate plenty of their time to
prctise
Correct your spelling
practise
practice
, in
order
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 to achieve the required physical
strength
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.
In addition
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, sports activities, in general, depend on your
muscles
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 so it is crucial to be shaped.
For example
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, your swimming skills will be significantly enhanced if your leg
muscles
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 are strong. Another point to consider, mental
strength
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 is important to control your
muscles
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. It is
also
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 possible to say that, all of these efforts in training your
muscles
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 will be wasted if you do not have a strong mental capacity.
Moreover
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, studies have proven that your brain must be trained in
order
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 to achieve all your physical dreams.
For instance
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, solving puzzles will enhance your abilities in practising difficult kinds of sports. In conclusion, there are no easy answers to
this
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 question. On balance,
however
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, despite people having different points of view, I'm convinced that enhancing your mental skills is as crucial as physical
strength
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 in
order
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 to be a professional athlete.
Submitted by omima7a7md on

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task achievement
Consider providing more specific examples to support your points, especially when discussing the importance of both physical and mental strength. This can help strengthen your arguments and make them more convincing.
task achievement
Ensure that all parts of the question prompt are addressed in depth. While you've discussed both views and shared your opinion, more elaboration and examples could enhance your response.
coherence cohesion
Try to maintain a consistent level of detail throughout your essay. Some points are more developed than others, creating an imbalance in the argument strength.
coherence cohesion
The essay begins with a clear introduction, presenting the topic and expressing your opinion. This sets a solid foundation for the subsequent arguments.
task achievement
You have successfully discussed both views regarding physical and mental strength in sports, which addresses the prompt comprehensively.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points and reinforces your opinion, providing closure to the essay.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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